Made Of Steele

Chapter 24

ᴊᴀᴍɪᴇ ᴘᴏᴠ

"I think all your hard work is finally paying off."

I look at Hanna and smile. "I think so too."

Looking around my new apartment loft, I still can't believe I'm back home of all places, and that I even took this place without much of a fight.

Maybe this is what I needed? A change.

So many had happened in the past two years, some things I would never forget, whilst other memories I wish I could forget.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?"

I look at Hanna, half hoping she isn't talking about our last phone call, when I was in Paris, two months ago.

"About what?"

She rolls her eyes and sits back on the sofa, with her arms crossed.

"Don't play dumb with me, Jamie." She sighs as I walk over to the kitchen to grab myself a bottle of water.

"You're my best friend, Jamie, we also dated for two years, I know when you're hurting."

I freeze mid-opening of my bottle of water and then turn to face her, seeing that she was getting up from the sofa and walking over to where I was.

"Did you see him?" She asks as she reaches me. "I know you went to Engl-"

"No."

I didn't want to talk about this, or him, not to Hanna, not to anyone.

Just the thought of him always made me so angry, but not with him, as much as I wanted to hate him, I always ended up just hating myself.

"Can we not talk about this? I'm over it." I sighed, walking past her to go to the corner of the room, where my art supplies were.

"The shit with me and him was two years ago, we have nothing between us now, I hardly remember any of what happened anyways."

It hurts to say it out loud, but from the look on Hanna's face, I can see that she's dropping the subject as she sighs and walks back over to the sofa to grab her bag.

"I need to go to work." She said as she folded her jacket over her arm.

"Let me know when the opening is, I'd love a genuine Jamie Steele piece of art for my office."

I look at her as I sit in front of my aisle and slowly nod my head, as she stares at me with a sad look on her face.

"I love you, you know that right?" She says, before smiling and walking away to the front exit.

Love...

As much as I had people who loved me in my life, I always felt like I didn't deserve it, not because I was a bad person, or because of some regret I had in the past, no...

I just never wanted to trust another and be hurt again.

Kit... I thought of him a lot during the past two years, and when I eventually found myself in London one year ago, I made the mistake of looking him up.

I had hoped he'd be worse off than me, miserable somewhere and unhappy, but he was anything but.

Kit had gained a lot of wealth from his family, and a business from his old man who passed two months before he left America and returned to London.

What was worse was that he had moved on.

He was dating some British model or actress... and when I found that out, I couldn't help but feel so alone.

I stayed for two days then went back to Paris.

Paris was a home away from home, but it wasn't the place that made me feel so much better, but the people I had met there, in the past year of living there.

I missed it, and as much as I wanted to go back, I knew if I had left now, it would be a mistake.

There was a reason I came home... After all, nothing great lasts forever.

Not even Paris.

My phone rings in my pocket, and when I grab my phone to see who it is, I sigh before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Jamie." My dad's voice comes out, as I put the call on loudspeaker, so I can continue to work on my new art piece.

"Dad." I sigh. "Is something wrong?"

He was silent for a moment before he spoke. "No?"

"I wanted to call and ask if you had plans tonight." He said as I stared at the canvas in front of me.

"No... but I feel as though soon I might..." I said sarcastically.

"Me and your mother want to throw you a celebratory and welcome-back dinner tonight at Lorenzo's, you do still like the food there, right?"

Lorenzo's? I wanted to say something sarcastic, but I chose to shut my mouth and drop my paintbrush back into the holder, then rub my forehead.

"Sure." I forced myself to say. "What time?"

"Seven." He said. "A car will be waiting for you at six thirty outside the studio."

"Mhmm, that's fine." I hummed. "I'll see you tonight."

The call ended and as it did, I couldn't stop myself from grabbing hold of the canvas and throwing it across the room, as I breathed heavily and stared at it from where I stood.

Fuck!

What the hell am I doing?

I wanted to laugh, to scream, and to cry, but all I could do was stare at the new mess I had made as my paint started to stain the white floorboards.

I hated that I felt this way and that no matter where I went, or who I was with, nothing made me feel any better, it was like everything I did was pointless, and once again, I ended up just hating myself more.

You idiot, Jamie... such an idiot...

First I ran away two years ago... and once again, I did the exact same thing, coming back here again.

I was no better than Kit.

I only hope that things can be different now, and with time... surely... the past year in Paris will be long forgotten, and the memories along with it.