Brightwin- Between Us

The Pain (Win's Pov)

Hey guys!! I hope you are all doing good. It's been so long since I have updated this book. So here is an update.

This is Win's pov of the time before he came to Bright's home to apologize and confess his feelings.

Love is supposed to be sweet. Love is supposed to be gentle. Love is supposed to be your anchor in bad times. Love is supposed to be that ray of sunshine that makes its way from the small crack in the window into the dark abyss. Love is supposed to float you away from the pain and suffering.

But no one told me that this love would become my pain. No one told me this love would become my worst nightmare which will keep me awake at night and exhausted in the dawn. I thought I had a kind of love with him wherein we could conquer everything. I thought that even though our love was platonic, it had the power to fight through everything.

But here I sit, defeated, angry and with a load of guilt on my shoulders weighing me down and keeping me chained to this sickening feeling. This feeling of hate for myself, for my actions, for my behavior. I left him. I left him when he needed me the most and didn't even turn back.

I was selfish. I was angry. I was angry at him because I thought he didn't respect our friendship. I was scared that his confession will bring nothing but disaster. It will ruin the beautiful relationship we had. I thought he ruined it.

But little did I know at that time that I was the one who ruined it. I was the one who left one single good thing in my life behind me. He was begging me to not go, to remain with him even if it was a friend but I didn't listen. I was so hurt, so furious that I didn't see anything else. I was engulfed by this feeling which didn't let me see clearly.

What did he even do? What mistake did he commit for me to treat him so crudely? His only mistake was being honest with me, for loving me? For loving me so unconditionally? I don't deserve it, I guess. That's why it has been taken away from me.

'Y/n has come to meet you.' My manger, who has made my home her second house these days, called out. I don't need to look up to see the disapproval she probably has on her face.

I don't even look up to acknowledge her. 'Just tell her I am busy-

'Busy doing what?' A third voice called out.

I immediately look up. 'Y/n. What are you doing here. I... I, I stutter out, confused. What was she doing here? She didn't tell me she was coming by.

'What am I doing here? I am your girlfriend, Win. Of course I would come to you when you don't answer my calls, my messages and constantly ignore my presence.' Her eyes turn glossy and I immediately feel guilty. I have treated her like shit these days and I am so fucking angry at myself for handling this situation so pathetically. I didn't realize what my actions would mean to the people around me. I have been so cooped up in my misery that I didn't bother to look around.

'I am so sorry. I have been so messed up these days. I just.. I don't.. I am so angry at myself. I am so selfish. I didn't listen to him. I left him. I wasn't by his side when he was at him lowest and it's hurting me that I didn't do anything. I-

'You love him.' She announces.

'Of course, I love him. He is my friend. He-

'No,Win. You fell in love with him and you didn't even realize that.' She says with a melancholic smile on her face.

'What? You don't know what you are talking about.' I say angrily. What does she mean? I don't love him like that. I don't love him romantically like I love her.

'Yes, you do. You just need to realise that.' She says once again.

'No, I don't love him. I love him just as a friend does. I love you. I love you and you know that. So don't stand there and tell me about my own feelings. Please. Don't try to confuse me.' I say desperately. I am already messed up. I don't need one more person to tell me how I feel, especially my own girlfriend.

'You do love me. But you don't love me the way you love him. You love him a way where you remember how he likes his coffee, in a way where you remember he doesn't like sitting in the middle, in a way where you make sure he is always on your right side, in a way where you always leave him a message when he has a concert night, in a way where you leave your dinner in between because he needs you, in a way where you prepare medicines for him when he has a sore throat, in a way you have never loved me. You look at him like he is your future and I am no one to stand in between of that.' She says with thick tears streaming down her face.

I intently listen to her words, dumbfounded. I didn't even realize the small things I do for him, only him. They were almost involuntary to me. It was like my body on autopilot, doing little things without even understanding their context.

God, had I been that stupid? And slowly all things that he did for me flash in front of eyes. He made me feel so special, so loved. He made me feel the most precious to him and I couldn't be more grateful for that. His love has given me strength when I didn't even realize that I needed it.

And he is precious to me too. He is the most important person in my life. He is safe place to me, with whom I feel the most comfortable, the most calm. His mere presence gives me comfort in midst of my troubling thoughts. His words like honey, making me want to listen to them all day. His eyes, making me want to stare at them all day long, trying to comprehend the beauty of them.

'I love him. I love him.' I choke out. God, it feels so nice to say it out loud. 'But I-

'No. Don't say anything else.' She says, shaking her head vigorously. 'Just go and don't make it any harder for me.' She says and starts turning back.

'Wait. I am sorry. I am so unbelievably sorry.' My voice breaks in between and I hate myself for it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have a breakdown. Not after hurting people around me. 'I never wanted to hurt you. I-

'I know. I am not mad at you. Just, I don't know. I wish I had your love. Because from the way I see it, it's beautiful. It's not pretty to be in this position but I know that you will not able to love me the way you love him. And I admire you for that. It shows the purity, the intensity of your love. I just wish I had been the one on the receiving end of it.' She says throatily, her voice thick with emotion.

I move towards her, I don't know what I was trying to do but she holds up her hand and moves back. My stomach churns with guilt once again.

'Go and tell him how much you love him. The kind of love you both have is a rare thing. Don't let this end in a way you'll regret.' She says. She gives me small smile through her tears.

God, I don't want to leave her alone. I don't but Bright needs me more right now. We both need each other.

I wipe my face to get rid of the tears that stubbornly fell down, just for few more to slip. I wanna laugh at how stupid I was. But now that I have realized, I am not gonna let him go. I am gonna take any punishment he might wanna give me. I am gonna take every cruel word he might wanna throw my way with a smile on my face as long as he lets me be with him. I am not gonna let him push me away. I am not backing down until he becomes mine beacuse this just how it is supposed to be. Him and I.

**

So, how was it? Do you think y/n was right to let Win go? Do let me know and don't forget to vote and comment. Thank you so much.