Finding Heathcliff

Forty-Five

What Astrid thought was an entrance of a cave turned out to be a long, gloomy tunnel. As they walked slowly and silently towards the faint light, which guided them towards its end, Astrid could feel her mood shift, plummet towards sadness and despair. 

She felt Azrael's hand tighten around hers as he led her on, his body tensing in response to her mood.

"I was hoping that it wouldn't affect you this much," he muttered, pulling her a little closer. 

"What do you mean?" 

"The atmosphere. Oblivis is a place of punishment for us. We are condemned to suffer here until we get our wings back. Or, like Jophiel, drop the idea of returning to Heaven altogether, quit this place, and live hidden in your world."

"Why am I feeling like this?" Astrid prompted, her hand pressed to her heart. It was aching, for Orion's death, for all the injustices caused by her uncle, which she had seen during her journey here, but more than anything, for the approaching loss of Azrael. 

"Your angel side is so strong that you react to this place like one of us. It gets a little better with time..." 

Astrid nodded, resolved to fight those feelings and put up a brave face for Azrael when he let his voice trail off and she could feel his steps falter as if he wanted to turn around and take her back. 

"I'll get used to it," she declared, forcing her voice to sound strong and steady. "Rigel doesn't feel it?" she added, looking at her friend who walked a few steps ahead of them, laughing at something Ramiel had told him, perfectly unaffected by the despair consuming Astrid.

Azrael shook his head. "He has enough of demon blood in him to make him immune to the suffering meant for angels."

"How long have you lived here?" Astrid asked, looking at Azrael. No one deserved to feel like this, the grief, sadness and despair seeping from her heart into her mind was making her entire body feel weak, she was starting to forget the reason and importance of her being here, of her existing at all...

"No, Astrid, you need to fight it," Azrael muttered, wrapping his arm around her. "You'll need all your strength to reach the White Tower. You are here because you want to meet Michael, and unless you change your mind, this is the only way. But I swear I'll carry you back home should I see you can't make it!"

"Thank you, Azrael," she said, stopping and wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a brief kiss. "I must meet Michael. And maybe..."

She let her words morph into thoughts, allowing him to read her fantasy of the Archangel, permitting Azrael to stay with her on Earth in her mind, blushing even without pronouncing the words aloud.

Azrael deepened the kiss as he read her thoughts, wishing it was possible, noticing how his kiss banished all the despair from her mind momentarily. 

"Azrael! Let's move, this is hardly the place or time!" Ramiel's voice reached them in their private corner of Heaven, making Astrid pull away from him and hide her face in the folds of his cloak.

When she looked up, Azrael holding her flush to his body, his unrushed, patient closeness feeling so good after the cold despair she had felt only moments ago, she saw Ramiel and Rigel waiting for them in an arched opening signalling the end of the tunnel, their bodies silhouetted by a pearly light of a misty day. They reached Oblivis. 

Azrael kissed her again, realising that what she needed to walk across Oblivis without losing her mind was hope. She needed to believe that there was hope for them. "If Michael won't agree, I can fall again, Astrid. I'm not leaving you," he whispered in her ear before letting go of her.