off limits ✧ zb1 applyfic

✧ twenty

Hanbin's presence in Yanmei's art studio had become sort of a routine. Before that, she hardly allowed anyone inside, besides maybe Narae, adamant on keeping it as her safe haven away from judgement. But well, it only made sense that her model would become a habitual dweller here. And quite frankly, she trusted him enough to have him here.

Today was the last sketching session. She'd collected quite a few sketches of different poses, but hadn’t yet found the one that would be perfect for her composition. That being said, Hanbin had gotten a lot more comfortable since the first time he'd been here. He wasn’t so stiff when posing, and seemed to allow himself poses he would have found ridiculous only a couple sessions ago. In fact, he had grown a lot more confident. Yanmei knew, when she looked at him now, that she had made the right choice of model. His piercing gaze was so entrancing she couldn’t help but feel drawn to put it to paper. This would be her best piece yet.

"You know, I was wondering..." Hanbin started, still stuck in the same pose he was in five minutes ago.

Yanmei's pencil stilled as she looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Back at the exhibition, you seemed really passionate about art. I was wondering how you found out you liked to draw."

She exhaled softly, setting the sketchbook down in her lap. She hadn’t stopped to think about the origins of her passion in a long time. To think Hanbin would be interested... Without surprise, he seemed to be too kind for his own good. Most people would have just accepted to model for one session, just so she could get a quick sketch in and be done with it. But Hanbin seemed invested in the process. So much so he'd become invested in her. Or, well, her passion for art.

"I think I was eight years old," she muttered, tapping her fingers against her sketchbook. "Throughout all of my childhood, even back when I was so young, I was always competing with Hao. I wanted my parents to aknowledge me as much as they aknowledged him."

"Hmm." Sensing the shift in the atmosphere, Hanbin sat straighter, abandoning the pose.

"There was this one time at school, where the whole class had to draw the same thing. When Hao and I showed our drawings to our parents, they thought his was better," she spat out, with a bit more emotion than she'd intended.

Even now, after more than a decade, the simple thought of this memory was still enough to pinch her heart, a gloomy fog settling in her head. She had been so hurt at the time. A child that age couldn’t possibly understand that she wasn’t the one at fault. If only she could talk to her younger self now, tell her that she was worth loving, and that she didn't have to blame herself. How differents things would have turned out for her, if she'd had someone on her side at the time.

"I'm sorry," Hanbin finally murmured, looking down at his feet. "I shouldn’t have—"

"No, it's fine. Let me tell you the rest of the story," she quickly replied, a gentle smile on her lips. It felt good to let it out, for once. "I was so angry I pretty much locked myself in my room for a week, and drew that same exact thing dozens of times."

Yanmei had never felt the drive and passion to dedicate herself to something like that before. For a long time, she’d tried every hobby under the sun, in an attempt to find something she could be better at than her brother. And if she wasn’t excellent at the first try, she would simply give up and move on to the next thing. It turned out Hao had much better beginner's luck than she did. The first time the family had gone ice skating, he didn’t even flinch, so stable on his skates, while she needed to hold the railings to even take a step. When they'd tried out instruments, they realized Hao had perfect pitch, while she didn't, effectively putting him miles ahead of her in the practice. He was naturally talented, a jack of all trades, good at everything he touched. But she still had something she could beat him at.