my lovely jungkookie (✅)

chapter 11

*15th November - Diary*:

Hyungie loves me. You heard it, Hyungie loves me. I saw him talking to Granny today at the old-age home.

If it weren't for this cruel situation, I would have kissed him, held him, hugged him tighter, basked under his warmth.

I cannot tell him that his love is dying. I can't tell him how much I love him, how much I want to hold him for just a little more time, just for a few more days. I can't tell him how much I've yearned for him. I can't tell him how much I've prayed, prayed, and prayed for God to let me love the love of my life a little longer, I have been imploring heavens to have mercy on me and give me little more time .I can't tell him he loved a dying person. I wish I could tell him that I love him with all my heart.

I have loved him for my forever.

May my hyungie live a long long life full of happiness, it's so sad that our love will remain 22 year-old forever . I wish if I were to grow old with my hyungie , I wish our love were to  grow old with us , but this life , it is not supposed to me merry , it's supposed to be sad and gloomy and that is what I am feeling right now , I am grieving .

I want Hyungie to forget me and be happy, but a part of me is selfish, wanting Hyungie to never forget me. I hope to meet him in another lifetime ,where I am not dying like this , where there is just Taehyungie and his lovely jungkookie following him around because he is home.

I am scared, Diary. I am very scared. I want to live. I sincerely want to . Knowing my feelings are returned, how can I die happily? Knowing I am leaving Hyungie behind, how can I rest in peace? Knowing that my Hyungie wants to live with me, how can I die in peace? Knowing that if God had given us a little more time, we could have existed so beautifully together, how can I die contently? We were given so little time so cruelly. Our stars decided to go misalign . I wish I could have more time to love my Hyungie.

I love you, my Hyungie. Stargaze often; I will be looking at you from above. I hope you'll be happy. You have to be ,without me. I wished for you to be happy, so you have to be. I love, love, love, and love you, my Taehyungie Hyung.

I promise, I truly promise, I will come as rain. I will fall as raindrops, so I hope my hyungie drenches in rain. I will feel that my hyungie is hugging me whenever raindrops embrace his body. At least all the deities and God can fulfill my wish; they have to, they will."

A loud cry filled the hospital, the first time Taehyung had cried since that cruel December .

Dr. Yoon rushed to her cabin to find Taehyung sitting on the floor, utterly devastated, crying with such intensity that it seemed like his cries could summon the gods from heaven. He chanted, "My Jungkookie" and "He wanted to live."

After what felt like an eternity, his cries gradually subsided, leaving only sobs.

"Jungkook never wanted you to find out."

"My sister is a doctor; Jungkook was her patient. He was admitted on 16th November that year to the hospital, and he kept crying at nights. One night, my sister asked him, and he told her about you. She felt bad, but what could she do? Jungkook was getting weaker. She told Jungkook to tell you about his condition, but he was adamant, never wanting Hyungie to be devastated. He said, 'My Hyungie looks more handsome when he smiles.' He was dying with no improvement, yet he still hoped to live until the end. On 10th December , he felt so much pain, his body giving up, and he took a promise from my sister to send you a text written by him if he died, and if he lived, he could go back to his Hyungie."

"He took his last breath that night," Dr. Yoon sobbed, while Taehyung cried again.

My sister sent you that message and kept the promise.

"When you told me about Jungkook, I told my sister, and she said you deserve to know the truth. You deserve to know how much Jungkookie loved you, how much he yearned for you."

Taehyung cried and cried. Dr. Yoon had to give him anesthesia for him to calm down.

The next morning, Taehyung woke up with a throbbing pain in his head, eyes, and throat. He closed his eyes again to see the face of his beloved, his lovely Jungkookie, with the eyes he couldn't name, and now he found the name for those eyes, "yearning for love."