"Dani, not my favorite but she's okay. She suffers with her own problems but always comes out helping the family anyway she can. Tough as a nail, that one." - Frank Gallagher
•••
Sometimes I can't get out of bed,
Sometimes I get sad,
Sometimes I...
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The night of Devin and I's kiss was the last time I saw him for awhile. I figured he regretted the kiss and was avoiding me. I tried to make my peace with it, but I'm dramatic. I was extremely upset and took my rage out on anybody around me. Got me in trouble with Fiona but Lip seemed to understand my stress. There was many nights he let me sleep in his bed with him, since Devin was not there to keep me company at night during my nightmares.
I laid in bed with a warm washcloth covering my eyes. I had the tendency to get migraines that correlated with my mental state. Usually left me bedridden for days and depressed. Lip knocked on the door and peaked his head into the room.
"You doing alright?"
"Peachy." I responded, sarcasm lacing every letter of the word. Lip sighed heavily but jumped onto the lower bed and leaned over the edge of the upper one. I pulled the washcloth off my eyes and looked at him.
"Might be good to get out of bed." His eyes softened as they landed on my red puffy ones. My lip quivered but I bit on it subconsciously. This distracted me from the tears brimming my eyelids and thoughts that creeped into my mind.
"I can't Lip. Just give me one more day."
"Alright, one more day. But if you don't get up tomorrow, I think Fiona might worry and think you're gonna kill yourself." A dry laugh escaped my lips. So short, might not even know it was a laugh. My laugh was to reassure him I was okay, when I really wasn't. I knew I was dependent on Devin, but I never thought I would crash if he stopped coming around.
It was almost as if Devin was air above a body of water I was drowning in. He made me feel safe and secure. I've gone so long with him, it seems impossible to live without him. He makes me feel so vulnerable. Vulnerability is how you get used and abused. After my parents, I swore to never feel that way again. Never again, will I be that little kid waiting for their mom after basketball practice, just to find out she abandoned me there.
I kicked the blankets off me, the fabric collecting at my feet in a pile. I climbed off the edge of the bed and decided to go to school. Even though I felt every fiber of my being hurt, I refused to let it get to me. I dressed for school quickly, wearing baggy jeans with a graphic tee and a leather jacket I thrifted. I brushed out my matted hair, but eventually threw it up in a bun on top of my head. Looking good didn't even matter to me right now.
I slipped my old combat boots on and made my way to school. It was around third period by now. I made my way into the school and walked to the class I should be in around this time. I pulled a folded up note out of my back pocket right as I opened the door. Mr. Gordon stopped writing on the white board as I walked through the door. He set the marker down on his desk and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Want to explain where you have been for the past week, Miss Gallagher?"
"Out sick," My voice was coarse, almost as if I hadn't been able to speak the whole time of being gone. Which was not entirely false, I did not speak but that was because I had little to say before I would start screaming at the person I was talking to. I handed the paper to him that had Franks forged signature on.
