Janus sanders angst+fluff oneshots

The fight

Tw: mention of bullying, yelling, cursing, and angst.

Janus had been minding his own business. Technically. ....ok. That was a lie. He wasn't.
Thomas wanted to go out with friends, but he felt uncomfortable with one of the people there, Patton, the fluff ball of kindness he was, wanted to force Thomas to go out anyway.

Janus for once, wanted to tell the truth. Tell his friends that the friend made Thomas uncomfortable a with his remarks and comments about whatever Thomas was doing, and that he didn't want to go out if that freind was going with, but wouldn't force the others to kick the guy out if the freind group or anything.

Janus honestly wasn't sure what they chose, since the others all but screamed at him that that wouldn't make thomas's friends kick out a guy who was all but bullying Thomas for 'nothing' and pick sides.

Janus rose up in the light side hallway, shaking a bit with anger. They were going to let Thomas suffer, for what? To let Thomas get harassed and bullied? It was infuriating! And it was 3 against 1. Logan didn't have an opinion other then 'we have work anyway so it would be better to stay home and do that' so technically it was 4 against 1, and that infuriated him.

Janus sighed and turned around, walking past the light sides doors, going to the dark sides common room. It's not like he was giving any input that would be listened to, and he wasn't going to stick around to be yelled at.

At least.. until a hand grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back towards the light sides hallway.

Janus stumbled and bit and whipped around, hissing at.. "virgil?! What the hell?!"

Virgil stood there, snarling at him. "What the hell? What the hell was that?! What fucking game are you playing deceit?! First you want Thomas to lie, then you want Thomas to tell the truth?! What the hell is with you?!"

Janus rolled his eyes "well anxiety I want what's best for Thomas, unlike you who is willing to let him be harassed just to spare someone else's feelings!"

Virgil snarled at him more "oh right, like you actually want what's best for Thomas! You never wanted what was best for anyone but yourself!! You did it when I was a dark side and you're doing it now. So, what. Is. Your. Game?!"

Janus was a bit taken aback by what virgil said. Before he thought out how the argument would continue if he said what he was about to say, the words flew from his mouth. Self preservation will do that do a guy..
"When you were a dark side?! What, you mean when I cared for you and Remus?? When I made sure you weren't having nightmares every night?? Or maybe when I made sure your panic attacks wouldn't get so bad you passed out, or put you to bed before you passed out so you wouldn't crack your scull open? is that what you qualify as 'only wanting what's best for myself'?!"

Virgil let out a mean and condescending laugh. "Oh yea, like you ever did anything but be a slightly decent human being! Me and Remus had to care for ourself while you did whatever and screwed about!!! You never cared for us!!!!"

Janus matched his laugh, only, his was... hurt, and deranged. That hit to close to home, and with his anger still boiling at the surface of his skin, his brain started making his mouth move before he got any time to process what he was saying "while I did 'whatever' do you mean getting you food? Getting you clothing? Making sure I had the ability to care for you the best I could with the limited resources I had?? Do you mean when I was trying to protect Thomas-"

"Protect Thomas my ass!! You didn't do any of that shit!! We were kids! And you left us to care for ourselves most of the time!! You ran around, hot Thomas in trouble, HURT him, and hurt us!! You never took care of us! I was comforting Remus almost all the time!!!! NOT TO MENTION-"

Janus took a step forward, starting to yell as loud as virgil. That was a blatant lie. Virgil wasn't up until 2, 3, 7 am making sure Remus wasn't trying to do something stupid, or making sure he wasn't crying because the thoughts got so gory it frightened him. Didn't listen to Remus spouting off things that gave Janus nightmares and didn't make him sleep well for a month. He was with him throughout the day sure, but he slept soundly through the night as a child, at least somewhat.

"NOT TO MENTION I WAS A KID TO!!!! I WAS ONLY 7 AND TRYING TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I COULD DO TO HELP WITH THE RESOURCES I HAD!! I WAS THE ONE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT WITH REMUS AND YOU SO YOU BOTH FELT SAFE EVEN WHEN I DIDNT!! I WAS THE ONE MAKING SURE YOU AND REMUS WERNT WORRIED ABOUT THE MONSTER IN THE CLOSET AND MAKING SURE YOU WERE TAKEN CARE OF WHIlE DOING IT!!!WE WERE CUT OF FROM THE MAIN MIND, SO I DID ALL I FUCKING COULD TO RAISE YOU LIKE HOW THOMASS PARENTS WOULD!!"

The others showed up behind virgil at this point, but Janus didn't see them, didn't see Virgil's face through the tears that were starting to fill his eyes
"I WAS 7 AND DOING THE BEST I FUCKING COULD WITH THE LIMITED RESOURCES I HAD!! I WAS BARELY OLDER THEN YOU TWO AND HAD NO PARENTAL FIGURE TO TAKE CARE OF ME, SO YEA! I 'SCREWED AROUND' I 'SCREWED AROUND' TRYING TO KEEP YOU TWO SAFE AND CARED FOR WHEN I WAS A CHILD!!! I WAS DOING THE BEST I COULD TO CARE FOR YOU, AND IM SORRY MY BEST WASNT GOOD ENOUGH, BUT THAT IS NOT MY FAULT!!!!"

Tears were streaming down his face, he had given his childhood, his time, his entire being to virgil. he was his friend, his brother... his child, and virgil was telling him he did everything for himself. His anger was melting into sadness. regret. grief. For his child who he had done the best he could to care for him, who was telling him he did everything for himself, and the time virgil called him a monster, for all the times virgil said anything bad about him, the anger and numbness he pretended he felt when he heard those words, was turning into pain he had been pushing down for years, and Janus didn't entirely want to push it down again.

"SO Im sorry that my best wasn't fucking good enough for you, and that you had such a bad childhood. But that is not any reason to take it out on the one person who has been in your corner since you first formed. I do not deserve that from you after doing the best I could to care for you."

He didn't look at virgil, not when his voice was wavering as he apologized for his best not being enough, not when virgil himself was tearing up and looked shocked, not when Janus turned and walked back to his room, not when he walked back into the dark hallway and back into his room. Back into his dark, lonely room that felt so, so cold and hollow. Not even when his brain and heart begged to go and continue to care for him, to look at him.

Instead Janus locked his door, and slid down it. Sobbing and curling into a ball. All past anger fizzled out and stomped on. His real, unmasked emotions slipping out like water into a cracked bowl. ...and Janus didn't have the energy to glue the peices back together.
Not right now. He would do that later. Build his walls back up, fix the leaking and cracked bowl, ignore the pain of the person he raised saying that Janus was a bad person, shove down the sadness, and mask his emotions again.

He would do that later.

I know this is very angsty, and I almost cried writing it, and spelling/punctuation isn't to good, but I did what I could, Thank you for reading!!