Heartbeat

Family ruptures

Heartbeats chapter 37–  Family ruptures

June 12th

Joe's POV

Today is the day I hope to punish my father for everything he did not just to me but with my little brother. I'm protective over Josh, always have been, even though he doesn't need it anymore. We are both emotionally damaged because of our parents, even though Josh didn't quite notice this until a few months ago.

– I'm fine, thanks. – I mumble when Taylor offers me a bottle of water.

It's burning hot today, we are about to start the summer and I'm a pile of nerves so of course my blue shirt already has visible sweating points but I'm trying to ignore it because I can't change it anyway.
We are on the way to the court and our lawyer is already there, setting everything for the judgment.
We are positive about our chances to win, especially after the bank extracts we finally got last week. Looks like our estimated father took away from Josh about U$50.000 dolls that he had on his bank account. We are also ready to press the judge to stop him from disinheriting us. We are probably going to win, that's not what is making me sick to my stomach, but the fact that I get to look at him for the first time in several years.  The last three years I haven't spent Christmas at home, so I used to just Facetime Josh and send him a little something by Fedex.

– You are not fine, but I understand and respect that.– Taylor whispers to me and I give her a grateful look.

It's amazing that she doesn't pressure me to talk. She knows I'm more introverted and don't have the habit of talking about my feelings all the time like Josh does. We were taking a walk yesterday and he ended up opening with the girls about how he was nervous for today but I couldn't say a word about me. I just stood there for him, just like Selena and Taylor, bleeding inside.

And I can't stop the guilt in my heart for wanting them to change some day. It's a shame but part of me hopes they are going to look at us entering that courtroom and start to realize what they are missing. Maybe I'm freaking too much wishing that our father would change, but mother is a mother, I can't believe she doesn't have a drop of love for us inside her cold attitude.

My mind is running a thousand miles per hour. These past weeks haven't been easy. Between this judgment, walking up with a screaming Taylor having nightmares about her father and studying for my intern test that's in 2 weeks, I haven't slept more than a couple hours a night. The dark circles under my eyes are bigger than ever. I really need to start to sleep, otherwise my memory will be affected and I'm going to fail my test, so Taylor and I already decided we are going home and take a Zolpidem pill to sleep as soon as we arrive from here.

Way too soon, Taylor parks the car and I turn yellow seeing my brother leave the car shaking. That son of a bitch is really making a number on us. I don't think I'll ever forget my pain for being in a room testifying against the two people that should've been the most importants on my life but that in reality are strangers for me.

Selena and Josh start to walk, Taylor and I follow them, a few steps behind.

– I just hate all of it. I just wish we had a normal family.– I say almost in a whisper.

– I know babe, and I'm sorry some families are fucked up, but remember blood isn't what makes a family. – she says, caressing my arm, and I feel a lump in my throat.

She 's right. My progenitors, my parents, are not my family. My family is Josh, Taylor and our group of friends from the hospital.

We finally enter the courtroom and my knees go weak looking at the pretentious smile my father has in his disgusting face. Mom look at us like a stone, without showing any emotion, and I don't even know why I'm surprised. She just doesn't have feelings or self opinion, she's a plant on the hand of my father, cold like a steel blade.