Ashtray -Angel Dust Angst

Chapter 15

Angels Pov:

I woke up in complete darkness. There was absolutely nothing around me, not even a floor. It was like floating on a black void. I was all alone. Is this really it? Am I doomed to nothing for all eternity? I suddenly found myself in a sobbing puddle on the floor. This is it. Forever.

Just as I lost all hope, an unimaginable brightness blinded me. I was transported to a forest. One with blue trees and purple skies. Fucked up birds and monkeys resided everywhere. It looked like a children's cartoon. "What is this shit?" I asked out loud trying to adjust my eyes to the light.

People started emerging from behind bushes and trees. People I knew. Vox, Val, various clients, even my dad. I stared at my hands. "I'm.. dead. Double dead. This is crazy." I said trying to wrap my brain around it. Vox walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. The others disappeared into the background.

"Not yet. You're just unconscious." He said smiling comfortingly at me. I guess I didn't take enough. I didn't finish the whole pill. "Are you... dead?" I asked taking a good look at him. He seemed like himself for the most part, if not a little less tired. "Yeah," he said unenthusiastically. "Nobody really cared huh?" He asked like it didn't bother him at all. Vox was something special. He's the most sensitive indifferent person I know.

"I cared!" I exclaimed suddenly feeling like crap. Vox left this world alone thinking nobody gave a fuck. "I should have stopped you, this is all my fault." He looked at me with confusion. "It wasn't your fault. I chose to do it. And trust me you were nowhere close to the reason."

I hugged him tightly, and he hugged me back. "Can I stay here? This place doesn't seem so bad!" I said trying to think of a solution. I couldn't leave him again. "Technically no. You made this place up. None of this is real. So hypothetically if you died you'd just be dead. I'm not really allowed to tell you anything but it's not great, I'll put it that way." He said.

"You're probably gonna have to leave in like an hour or two. Time moves differently here, it's something like every day here is a month, every hour is like a day. The pill wears off after a couple days if it doesn't kill you." He said.

I grabbed his hands. "I can't leave you again! Don't make me leave please!" I begged. Little tears formed in my eyes and I felt like an idiot. "It's not up to me Angel. But just know I care about you, and it wasn't your fault." Vox said. Just as quickly as he had appeared, he faded into a nearby bush.

Val stepped up in front of me. I guess I have to deal with everyone. Looking upon him I couldn't feel anything but guilt. He's dead. He's really dead. "Hello Angel." He said in a sophisticated kind voice. I think it was the first time I'd ever heard him say my name normally.

Overcome with guilt and sadness I cried, "IM SORRY!" I repeated those words until I couldn't breathe. When I was finished he gave me a hug. Despite everything I clung onto him like I hadn't seen another human being in years. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who owes you an apology. I'm sorry Angel."

Slight rage boiled inside me. "Why are you being so nice? You were never this nice when you were alive." I yelled. "I'm not real, I'm telling you what your brain thinks you need to hear." He said calmly. I wanted him gone. I couldn't stand to look at him much longer. "Can I just do my dad now?" I shouted into the air at no one in particular. Val faded into the trees and out came my father, Henroin.

He looked at me with the same Face he'd had for my whole life, pure disappointment. He stayed silent, lucky me I have to start the conversation.

"What am I even supposed to say?" I asked out loud. He looked vaguely apologetic. "Nothin. We can just sit here in silence till you wake up. Or you can quit it with the faggy shit and talk to me like a man." I sighed loud enough for him to hear. "You see that? That's exactly why I'm not talking to you." I said as calmly as I possibly could.

"I'm your father you ungrateful little bitch! How fucking dare you!" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "You're not. You're just some dude that fucked my mom." He raised a fist to me hoping to scare me. With everything going on, especially the whole Val situation I really didn't care.

"I see you with that fucking faggot. It's disgusting. How do you think your mother would react?" He yelled. I shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. I haven't seen her in over 60 years."

He scowled at me. "How could you just abandon your family? You're down there living your best life doing whatever the fuck you want!"

My mouth hung open. "You're kidding right? My life has been a consistent nightmare since I was fucking born! I'm famous for sucking dick, that says a lot. And even to just be where I am today, which is shitty, I had to put up with more bullshit than you could ever imagine!" I yelled. He retreated into silence. We stood motionless like that for what seemed like years.

Suddenly a beam of light swallowed me in its wake. "Guess this is it. Nice chat dad. Reminded me how happy I am you're gone," I said flipping him off. My whole body burned like I had just been dumped with acid. This is awful, I'm never killing myself again. The brightness closed in on me and once again, I was in the place I called home. Hell.

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I slowly opened my eyes to reveal I was in a hospital. The lights burned my eyes. Husk sat in a chair on his phone at the other side of the room. I wondered how to approach this. Is he mad? Is he gonna break up with me? I figured I just had to wait and see.

"HeY" I said quietly with my voice cracking. He jerked up and came over to the bed. "Angel..." he said like he couldn't figure out if I was real or not. Then he squeezed me tightly and started laughing. "You're alive!" He said shakily like he was about to cry. "Yep," I said trying to match his energy. Truthfully I was exhausted.

"How long was I out?" I asked. "Angel... it's been 70 years..." he said solemnly. My eyes went wide. "SERIOUSLY??" He chuckled. "No, it's been 2 days. I thought you could use some humor though." I pushed him lightly. "Asshole." He smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'm sorry I did... that. I wasn't thinking right." I said overwhelmed with guilt. "It's fine. I'm just glad you're okay. I don't know how I would function if I lost you."

He looked away for a minute. "But, I did throw the rest of the pills out. Just so they're not a temptation anymore, you know." He said holding my hand. "Oh that's good," I said.

The colors in the room were oddly saturated. "Did they drug me or something?" I asked inspecting my hands. Husk laughed. "Oh yeah, like a lot. Took you long enough to notice," he said. My stomach dropped. "Does this count as a relapse?" I asked suddenly horrified. "Nah it's fine. Considering the fact that you almost died I think a exception can be made." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm still pissed off about that though. I don't think I can last another month." Husk thought for a minute. "How about if you stop doing drugs I'll stop drinking?" He asked. "Deal!" I exclaimed before he could change his mind. We shook on it.

"Does Charlie know I'm here?" I asked even though I already knew the answer. "Yeah. We'll have to deal with that when we go home. But we'll figure it out. She's just worried."

We spent a while just chatting. It's nice to just sit and be normal for once. The doctors said I could leave in the evening. "Did you have like a coma dream? I've heard stories of that." Husk asked. "I think so. I just saw a bunch of dead people. Vox, Val, my dad." His eyes widened. "You have a dad?" I chuckled. "Course Husky. Where do you think I came from? I just don't talk to him anymore." He out his hand on top of mine. "How come?" I shrugged. "Just typical homophobic old man crap." We both laughed at that.

It was funny how a near death experience brought us closer together.

Boo.

We still got some more story left. Maybe one or two more chapters. Thank you all for your support and kindness.

Also if you're dealing with things like addiction and or relapse, I feel for you. I really do. You're not alone.

Anyways Jack out-