The Mechanics of The Heart (Unedited)

26

Bullet

I had gone too far.
The slight blur in my still slightly swollen eye was obnoxiously present but the scowl resting on Bears face was glaring clear.

He hasn't said anything for a long while and I was wondering if he was trying to find the words or if he was trying to intimidate me.
Bear was large and burly in size, vicious in a fight with ruthless force. But I moved faster, my arms having more reach- it wouldn't have been the first time we had fought.
We were brothers long before we were patched and promoted.

"Your bike stays in the garage for two weeks." His tone was indifferent, growled with an edge and I frowned, nodding. That was fair.

He squinted, eyes narrowing over me and I shifted, leaning my arm onto the arm rest of the chair my ribs aching.
"I should make you scrub the bar with your toothbrush and clean up after last nights bon fire with the prospects." He muttered, shaking his head kissing his teeth. I sighed as I watched him glance at the photo on his desk, which I knew was Bambi by the way his face soften and given that pictures been on his desk since she's furnished the place.

"Instead your going to make things right with your sister- my wife, who is about due to bring your niece into the world. She spent all night awake, and then you show up half dead and bleeding." My jaw ticked at his words, feeling like a spear being shoved through my chest and ran my tongue over my teeth in an attempt to keep my mouth shut.

"So when I say make this right Bullet, I mean talk to her and tell her the fucking truth. We as a club do no questions asked, we honor privacy and discretion, however Bambi is my old lady but she's your sister and she's hurting because she's confused."

"This isn't about Bambi." The words come out colder harsher than intended but Bear doesn't seem surprised. My body splinters with chills and I feel my stomach turn like a ship on rocky waters.

"Maybe fucking tell her that? Because this can't keep going on. Bambi aside this shit is going to kill you, if you continue to do this alone." He pursed his lips, "Things are different now, she's a senators wife. A fact you forgot to mention before you got on the road." I groaned, falling back into my chair. Wondering how pissed Keys would be at me for getting him interrogated by Bear, otherwise Keys preferred to hover under the radar even with Bear.

"Fuck Bianca and fuck the senator. If and when I do die, it will be long after that bitch is dead and gone." I spat, narrowing my eyes in on Bear so he knew I meant every word.

He sighed audibly, almost exasperated sounding. I knew he was worried, I knew Bambi was worried, despite keeping it all as discreet as possible with Keys it wasn't hard to notice my club brothers had noticed my shift. It was selfish and maybe toxic to say I had expected them to get used to it by now.

Before Bambi moved here It was constant up and down. And I was scarily aware as I am now, noticing my detachment and distracted nature as I hunted down my own mother. It was easier then, to neglect myself and the relationships with the people around me. But now things were very different.

"Bullet I know it may not seem like it but you do have a lot to lose, too much to live for." He looked away from me for the first time and cleared his throat.
"Keys won't be giving you any updates regarding Bianca."

I felt my brows crinkle and I scoffed. "Until when?"

"Take this time to heal Bullet explore other interest maybe." I squinted at the ghost of a smirk on his face "Now I got an appointment and you should put some ice on that." His scowl turned smug as he pointed to my eye, leaving me in the office to process his words.

That was a day ago, I hadn't pondered on his words too much at the time. As my prez and best friend, I had been chewed out enough times by Bear to know when he was about to blow a fuse.
And he had, in the most dad like ways I've seen of him since my nephew was born. I scoffed to myself, leaning against the cushion of the booth. Parking my bike and forcing me to sit and stew in 'what I've done' felt like I was a prospect again.

Normally I would take his suggestion in exploring other interests as nothing more than tuning a bike, crack down more on the prospects, ensuring order.

There wasn't an explanation I could give for how and when my mind and legs led me here.
I had told her I was curious, that I had observations.
And I was, I do.

Except my curiosity revolved around things that probably made me sound like a creep if I said them out loud to her, I was observing things that shouldn't be my concern I wasn't her old man and I was working a job.

I was telling myself I was stalling, holding off I talking to my sister. Because I knew once I did, the truth would come out. It would be pulling the thread to the nightmares I stitched into the back of my mind like a wound- there would be nothing to stop from having to rip it completely open.

"I've got my own observation, Bullet." Vanilla and something sweet smelling wafted as she jerked my truck door shut.
It still smelled like the day I bought it off the lot and Bayous car seat remained a permanent fixture in the back.
A feeling I couldn't describe clawed up my chest realizing Amara was the only person outside of my nephew to set foot in this truck, the only woman.

It felt more sacred that it should have.
Clearing my throat I tear my gaze from her frizzy hair, it's out and the curls fanned out creating her own halo. "And what's that?" I ask, glancing at her as I turned away from the curb.
A pair of gray sweatpants and a black sweatshirt coupled with a pair of house slippers that were quickly abandoned as she folded her long legs in the seat, getting comfortable as I crank the heat.

"You're very demanding." Her tone was teasing and her laughter danced around the space around us and I shook my head. Cheeks warm.

"You've got no idea, firefly."