A mothers embrace

Chapter 9 - I wont tell them

That guilt. I could see it in their eyes. The pain, the guilt the concern. I had to get them to stop looking at me like I was going to brake with a single light gust of wind. "Bella what's wrong" I could tell Carlisle was trying to get me to tell them anything "it was nothing" I could see the criticism the doubt behind his eyes. He just smiled sadly, noded before he and Esme sat on the love seat that had been moved to next to my chair.

I just stay curled up in the chair gazzing out at the continuos rain hydrarting the ground outside. Even when my joint started to ache I stayed curled under the blanket. I didn't know what to say, what to do. The hole in my chest, in my core still cried, begged to be held and creaddled. I tryed to fight back the tears climming behind my eyes. Burying my face deeper into my blanket inhaling their sent somehow made me feel safe in the knowlage that they were here with me. For now at least.

I yet again felt my eyes glowing heavy. I could not comprehend it , I am so tired but when I close my eyes the painful flashes fill my mind pulling me out of my sleep, but that is if  I can sleep. My restbite escapes me most nights I am forced to lie their in the dark my eyes pinned open just in case something comes out of the dark the whole in my heart only twists as I descend deeper into my thoughts of someone being there, thoughts of Victoria ready to kill me and Charlie in revenge for James I could not blame her, since he left me it was like he had died I knew the pain she was in. Thoughts of him coming back sweeping me up in his arms it would be like he never left.

I roll my eyes at my thoughts, if anyone heard what was going through my head, heck even if I heared my self talking like this just a year I go I would tell myself of for being so reliant and needy and weak, but now I get it. He was my other half the missing part of my sole that I never knew was gone until I found it, but also I was, I am a human surrounded deeply in a world of vampires.

I alowed myself to stay deep in my thoughts, as almost a safe haven to avoid their questions. Again I let the time just slip away with me minuets passed into hours, just ignoring everything around me trying to ignore the lonely pain when ever my thoughts landed on him or them all leaving me.

I jumped as a cold hand was plased onto my shoulder, slowly looking up being treated with Carlisle's sympathetic eyes, "I am sorry I made you jump" I only nodded hoping that he would understand that I didn't want to talk, "can you come with me Bella I would like to go through something with you" I wanted to shake my head but I didn't I just nodded and stood up. Nervous as what was going to happen, I silently followed Carlisle down the hall. When we finally stopped, I looked up into the empty space where a door used to sit it was only then that I realised, we were outside of Carlisle office. I knew what he wanted to go through, I slowly started walking back my eyes locked onto the desk at the far side of the room. I only stumbled back just a few steps back before Carlisle lightly placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me into his office, "no" I tried to pull back, knowing what Carlisle wanted to 'go through' with me.

He pretended that he didn't hear me, lightly taking a hold of my arm leading me to the sofa just in front of the coffee table "so Bella tell me, how have you been" I couldn't, I wouldn't tell him "I have been good", he let out a long sigh looking deep my eyes trying to look for the true answer to his question "Bella can you please tell me why I don't believe you" all I can do is shrug I have never been able to lie, but thinking quickly I stood from the sofa "Bella please sit down" I just shook my head and started stumbling over the the door "BELLA SIT DOWN NOW" his raised voice came as a surprise and I instantly re-took my seat, "now how about I give you a quick check up then we can discuss everything that has happened these past few months'' I panicked worried about how Carlisle or Esme would respond if they knew what I became after their departure ''no'' quickly standing up yet again before Carlisle calmly spoke to me again ''Esme has gone out she won't know, and if it makes you feel better we can talk first'' I violently shook my head quickly making my way to the door, ''why don't you care about how you are'' he appeared in-front of the door blocking my desired exit ''because I am fine I feel fine'' fear was racking me he can not find out I won't let him.

"I will ignore that statement as we both know that is a lie Isabella" looking away as the anger fused with my worry "why do you even care" I shouted as y heart hammered harder in my chest, my body shaking before my legs give out sending me tumbling to the floor. My eyes were covered in a black mist as I lost all control, but I was instantly wrapped in strong, cold, comforting arms "It's all going to be alright Bella" I soon felt the arms slide from under me as I sank into the soft sofa "Bella I am going to give you a quick check up alright sweetheart" I soon felt a blood pressure cuff tighten around my arm as his cold finger snaked their way around my wrist measuring my pulse "you have a good steady pulse, I am going to check your blood glucose, just a slight pinch on your finger" I inwardly winced as the finger prick punctured my skin but was unable to pull away from the offending object, after the machine let out an unsesessaraly loud beep Carlisle signed "your blood glucose is low most likely due to your lack of food" I felt the sofa dip and Carlisle kind hands gently wrapped around mine "I am so sorry for what we have done to you Bella I am going to help you, I am going to protect you my daughter just as I should always have, I will protect you from anything even our family even your self" It was at this that I felt an unusually calm filled me at his words as the darkness covered me in its ominous blanket.

I am so sorry I have taken such a large brake I have been trying to write for so long but have been struggling to get the motivation and have finally done it I hope this was worth the wait.