After high school I kind of suppressed my feelings about wanting to grow wings, mostly because I gaslit myself into believing I should be merfolk? And decided to "give up" being an Avian? Dumbass.
All those years trying to shift into a mer and I never really felt anything for it, other than, "this will give me freedom". It wasn't instinctual, and I didn't feel it in my heart. It was...a means to an end. Whereas with being an avian...part of it was about freedom, but also because I had this deep longing in my soul to fly and have wings, to be part of the sky. And...I've never really fit in with humanity. Humanity has broken me again and again in ways that I can't begin to describe.
I shoved those feelings away and tried to be "normal". But it about killed me. Not physically, but it pretty much took the life out of me and I lost the will to live. The only way I was able to pull myself out of that was when I stopped forcing myself to try to fit in, and started doing things based on what I want, not what others want. I've been doing that for the past couple of years, and now I'm embracing every desire that I have about being avian and flying. And it's like a dam is breaking open where I shoved all my old emotions behind. I was at work today and I was hit by this intense homesickness for the sky.
°°°°
I fell asleep while writing this and I don't really have much else to add so I'll end this here
-🌌🪶
YOU ARE READING
A Fae's Journal
Non-FictionThis started out as an avian journal, but along the way I realized that I'm actually a fae, so as of chapter 8, that is the focus of my journal. I do however discuss a number of theories earlier on which might be helpful for context later.
