YOU

V

The ballet ended in a rapture of applause for the audience and before everything else calmed down, I saw Jungkook walking towards me with his bunny smile across his face and I eagerly took his arms offered to me again to lead us backstage as he's promised.

The meeting wasn't the short meet and greet that I expected. We lingered for a bit, drinks offered which I couldn't refuse with it coming from my now, role model not only in art but seems like in life as well. We got on great that I felt myself completely letting my walls down, freely asking her questions and receiving enthusiastic replies from her in return. Her husband was there too along with Jungkook and the four of us looked like a pair of couples, especially with his hand hovering over my back from time to time whenever someone walks marginally close to bumping me. The night came to an end eventually but my excitement, and alcohol induced giggles were still running through my veins. I wasn't fully drunk but I was more than tipsy. And that is not the ideal kind of state cause I'm too unfiltered, too uninhibited that I will remember every bit of what I said and did during that time. At least in a drunken, blacked out state, there's nothing to remember, nothing to regret just that throbbing head but no blanket kicks every time a flashback of the night appears.

***

I woke up to a chorus of chirping birds and bright pockets of light on the walls of my room, bouncing to my eyes as if intent to blind me as a searing headache insists to make itself known. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping to block out the sounds, light and pain. It made it better for a bit and I grudgingly got up, one eye open to make sure where I was. I grabbed my phone and almost knocked out a water bottle.

9:01.

2 messages from Honey Bunny.

I furrowed my brows not recognising the name and clicked on the notification.

Honey Bunny: take the meds I'm sure your head is killing you right now. 🥴

Honey Bunny: you didn't lie. you really can't handle your alcohol. kekeke🤣

It's Jungkook! It must be. Of course. I remember leaving together and him saying they'll drop me off. I gave him my address and his manager drove us. I remember him giggling during the ride as I kept calling him..

"Jaaaay-kaaaay!!! Thank you so much Jaaaay-kaaay!"

I buried my face in my hands, my headache no longer my primary concern as flashbacks of the night zoom past.

We finally got home, him holding me up with one hand as I tiptoed to the front gate while he held my now abandoned heels on the other. Got in the house as I declared to the empty house..

"Honey I'm hoooommmme! Honey!!! Honey Bunny! Honey Bunny I'm hoooommme! Where are you??!! Yooohoo!"

I slapped my face, to punish myself or to wake myself up I don't know but the flashbacks kept coming.

"I don't think anyone's home Nina-ssi."

"Hmmm? Of course not! You're my Honey Bunny, Jaaay-kaaaay!"

And if that wasn't enough, I kept repeating it singing in an operatic voice as he guided me further in the house opening each door asking each time if that was my room. I think I've even told him my life story during that short room search operation.Then I blacked out and into this nightmare I'm living.

That's it.

I can't show my face again.

I'll just have to live my entire life in isolation. Won't be so hard since we've just come out of lockdowns not so long ago.

Then a realisation hit..

Noooooo!!!

Have I acted like that while still at the theatre?

No, I wouldn't.

I would've remembered.

I remember everything else before I had a drink, no while we were drinking and.. do I?

Do I remember everything?

My fingers hovered over my phone to type a reply. There's only one way to find out.

Nina: hi. Is this Jungkook?

A minute passed. Then two. And two more.

I double checked if it was sent.

Yes. It's sent.

Wifi and signal's fine so it definitely went through. Unless he's somewhere remote without wifi or signal which is impossible here in Korea.

I checked when he sent the message. 7:09. It's been two hours so maybe he's still sleeping or maybe he's in the gym or something.

Bzzzz..Bzzzz..

My heartbeat skipped and my hands shook with the vibration of my phone.

Honey Bunny: no. This is Honey Bunny. 🐰

but some call me Jaaaay-Kaaay...🤣🤣🤣

Honey Bunny: how are you feeling?

My ears got hot and my eyes started to water as my memory was confirmed by his text. I squealed as I held to my phone against my forehead, stomping on the worn out rug under my feet.

Why?! Why did I let myself get drunk?! I only drink a lot when I'm with my close family members and a few select close friends. Those that I don't need to protect my "reputation". Only with those that I can let go of my other persona, the one out in the public, the one who is always composed and in control of her emotions. Even during my flight here, I managed to keep my alcohol consumption within my limits. But what happened to my prized self control? My self discipline? How did I let myself get drunk?

Nina: Did I make a fool of myself in front of Hyori-ssi?

An eternity and a half passed when my phone finally buzzed again.

Honey Bunny: no. You were great. She was really impressed with your vision and that makes the two of us.

Honey Bunny: you do remember your promise right?

It stumped me for a moment but yes I remembered. We will be working together on his music video.