There's a type of pain that's hard to cope with. Pain of losing something important to you. It crawls onto you and clutches its cold, disgusting hand on your heart, refusing to let go. The type of pain that leaves you feeling physically ill for weeks, months or even years.
"Come on, you have to eat."
Spade was staring blankly at a small pile of pancakes stacked in front of him on the coffee table. He could barely eat anything for the past week. He was trying to look for Map all over the city but to no avail. Yellow Pages said he saw them at the bar, but kept all the details to himself. Spade hated that, he just wanted to know if Map was okay. He wondered where they could be. What could they be up to.
"I'm not hungry" he got up from the couch and left the room.
"Hey! Get your ass back here, where are you going?!" Bucket was frustrated that her brother didn't care about the hard work she put into these pancakes. They were only a little bit burnt this time, she tried her best.
"I'm leaving."
Spade sighed and slammed the apartment door behind him. It was starting to get a bit chilly outside. He didn't mind the cold but he wasn't a fan of it either. He was hoping there won't be any snow in Objectica this year; it would be quite troublesome with Map possibly not having any place to stay, away from the cold weather. He smiled at the memory of them appearing one day at his doorstep, all damp from the snow. They spent that day wrapped up in blankets on the couch, cuddling and ignoring Bucket's complaints about how they should be doing something productive instead. His smile slowly dropped when he realised that maybe things like that won't happen ever again.
"Spade?"
He looked up from the pavement to see a familiar face. Yellow Pages pulled him into a hug but it didn't feel right. It left Spade feeling empty, as if that hug just sucked up all the remaining energy out of his frail plastic body.
"You look exhausted" Yellow was concerned about him, as if he didn't have dark circles under his eyes too.
"It's been... Not great" Spade admitted. He didn't want to talk about it, but he felt like Yellow was currently one and the only object he could talk to about it all.
They walked together in silence. The streets were busy, but not as busy as usual. Some objects getting back from work, some still running errands. Some just taking a walk through the city to make the best of their day. Spade noticed that some objects have started to wear scarves. True, it was quite chilly today, but the sun was shining brightly, warming up his blade. It felt nice.
Yellow Pages tried to touch his hand once or twice, signaling that he wanted to hold hands, but Spade didn't want to. It felt wrong. He didn't want affection while he was full of dread and regret. He thought that going out on a walk would help but his thoughts kept circling back to Map.
"Where are we even going" Yellow asked, breaking the silence.
"I dunno. I'm just... Trying to walk it off I guess."
"Be honest, do you even like me?"
Spade stopped walking. He turned to face Yellow Pages and opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't. The words stuck in his throat. He wanted to reassure him, maybe even tell him he loves him. Anything.
But which words to pick when you're so unsure of yourself.
"It's okay. I think I should go" Yellow briefly put his hand on Spade's shoulder as if he was trying to reassure him. "We can... Hang out some other day. Take care."
And just like that Spade was all alone. Again.
