ShinShi - The Perfect Pair

Chapter 2 : Guilty Conscience

Shinichi and Hakase strode down the hospital corridor. Their tension circled around them. Hakase, who almost lost his adopted daugher whom he loved dearly, and Shinichi, who felt guilt choking on him out of his inability to kept his promise to protect the woman.

"What should we do now?" Hakase asked in sorrow, half to Shinichi, half to himself.

"We should wait for now. There is possibility that it is temporary amnesia. But if she doesn't get her memory back in 24 hours, we should redo all the check-up"

"Then what?"

"Then we should focus on her physical recovery."

"What about her memory?"

Shinichi didn't answer. His mind was in complete mess. "I haven't got the answer for that, professor. Give me time to think."

Hakase looked at Shinichi. He realized these past few days were not easy for him as well. He was working relentlessly to find Haibara. In the same time, he finally ended their biggest enemy, and after that, he stayed in the hospital everyday to check on her.

"Alright, Shinichi. You should also rest. We will think about it later."

***

Once he arrived at his house, Shinichi only laid down on his bed. He could not rest. His whole body was aching from exhaustion, but he could not shut his mind.

They just got back to their original body ten days ago, after Shiho finally successfully created the antidote for APTX4869. In the other hand, Shinichi, working with FBI, CIA, Japan Police Dept, and his fellow detectives, already brought down half of the organization, but the mindmasters.

They were already very close to their goal of bringing down the organization, when he made a mistake.

It was only that one time. One time she wasn't by his side. 'One time you left her,' his conscience corrected him.

Shinichi shrugged uncomfortably at his conscience. 'It was only for an hour.'

'Yeah, an hour. An hour of leaving her unaccompanied in public place. What were you thinking?' He started to fight again with his guilty conscience, a habit he picked up ever since Shiho went missing.

It happenned three days after they were back to their original body. They attended the usual meeting with the CIA, FBI, and the police dept, all whom already knew their condition. The meeting was held in a hotel, because each of them couldn't risk using their hideout as meeting place. The team congratulated Shinichi and Shiho for their return, then they wrapped up the plan for ruining the organization completely.

Everything ran smoothly and they were on their way back, when Shinichi and Shiho spotted Ran and Sonoko in that place. They tried to avoid the girls, but Ran and Sonoko spotted him also. They didn't see Shiho because she hid herself right away behind a pillar near Shinichi, so the girls could only saw him from their standpoint.

As Shiho hid, Shinichi sneakily whispered to her, asked her to wait for a moment. Ran would have demanded some kind of explanation, and he thought that he owed her that, as he hadn't even met Ran since he got back. Shiho only smiled slightly--or bitterly, and nodded. Then he left Shiho there and went to Ran. They talked for an hour, with Shinichi briefly explain that he was still in the case. It had been quite some times that he stopped asking Ran to wait for him anymore, as he did not know when it might ended.

Ran could sense that his mind were elsewhere, and when she asked, he took the chance to say that he did not have much time at that moment. He rushingly went back to Shiho, only to found out that she was already gone.

He remembered the last time she talked to him before she went missing and his life collapsed in hell. It was by a voice note.

"Kudo-kun, sorry for leaving this voice note. I don't have time to talk to you directly. They successfully trace me. Don't worry, I will be long dead before they could get any information from me.
But I want to ask for a favor. Please destroy everything related to me and the data about the apotoxin. And eventhough you would do this without me asking, please keep all of them safe. Professor, the children. *short silence*
I was hoping that I could say proper goodbye, but I guess this is it. Thank you for everything that you did for me. It was really more than I deserved.
*Shiho sighed in another short silence*
And I'm thinking that if this is really my last, I want to say this to you at least once in my life.......I love you. I always have been and will always do."

Shinichi choked on bitterness.

He should have known that the organization would connected their crumble with the traitor of the organization. He should have kept her with him all the time, after all, he was the one who convinced her to also take the antidote for herself. He should have known that it would be more dangerous, hundred times more dangerous for her to be in her adult body, when the organization hadn't been ruined completely.
And what haunted him the most was the fact that he still left her, knowing all of that. She was not even easy to be hidden in the first place. Her beauty, her figure always stood out, that it was impossible to ignore her presence. Really, what was he thinking leaving her in a very public place, knowing their enemies could be anywhere?

On the other hand, he also kept on wondering about the last part of her message. Did she mean what she said? How could he know? How could he ask her, when she didn't even know her name?

He thought he would be able to rest once they found Shiho. Then once they actually found her, three days after her missing, he thought he would be able to rest once she passed the critical condition. Then he thought he would rest when she woke up. Now when she already woke up after four days in hospital, she did not even recognize him.

'But maybe it's for the best?' A voice in his head said. 'She never had a normal life. Maybe it's a chance for her to start over.'

'But she was happy these times. She has professor, she has the detective boys.....She has me.'

'As happy as she was as a child, being a shrunken adult was not normal. Weren't you the one who were very excited on getting back to your old body, old life? But her life before the shrunken was even worse. No one know it better than you.'

Shinichi mused at the thought. It was somehow right. 'But I want her to remember me. I want her to remember our moments, what we shared. I want her to explain what she meant when she sent me that note.'

'That's your ego talking.' Shinichi frowned at his own thought.
'Think, Shinichi. She's here now. She's with you. Why you should ask for more?' Shinichi closed his eyes and let his conscience continue talking.
'If she forget about her previous life, that's okay, she suffered enough. You can help her rebuild her life, the normal life. And you can pay for not protecting her, even when you promised to!' Shinichi gasped at the sudden aggressive thought.

Shinichi sighed. His conscience was right, righter than his ego.
She was always by his side, being a friend to talk to, the one with whom he can exchange thoughts and opinions, being a partner to solve cases, being the only one with whom he shared the secret and the abnormal life as shrunken adult, and of course, being someone who understood him the most.
It was true that it all started with the drug that she created, but she was also the one who worked relentlessly to gave him his life back. She sacrificed many things for him, if not everything. It was only right if he paid it back.

Shinichi let out another deep sighed. After getting the conclusion in his mind, finally it decided to rest.

'Sleep now, Shinichi, you will start the next long days tomorrow.'

***