Steelheart

06. | dreamy

We sat on the edge of my bed, clutching our controllers as one of our hands each flew into chip bags and candy bags, repeatedly, grabbing a handful then shoving it in our mouths. Then yelling at each other for not taking up their part of the mission we were so hellishly encapsulated in.
Zack pauses the game abruptly, holding out the joint for me to take from him.
"Here, take this for a second. My phone keeps going off like crazy. Just gonna check." he says.
I carefully transferred it into my hand, beginning to take on it a few times before inhaling slowly.
"Zack, the phone will still be there. So will Jenna. Calm down." I laugh softly, watching him.

He doesn't say anything for a moment. Instead, he stares at his screen, his lips parting slowly as his jaw slowly drops. The silence went on for so many seconds, now I was curious.
"What? Why do you look like that?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows a bit.
"It's Hannah. She and Josh broke up man—dude this is your moment!" he raises his voice, beginning to smack my back in excitement.
"Ow, what the fuck? What are talking about dude?" I groan, holding my back.
"Check it," he says, handing me his phone.
I take it into my hand and look at the screen. Hannah's status had been updated to 'single'. Lord knows it's like the millionth time.
I roll my eyes and toss the phone onto his lap, "And? What would you like me to do with this information, Zack?" I say, grabbing the controller quickly before pressing start.
"Silas." he says, pounding the button on his controller to pause the game, yet again, "Bro I want you to stop being a pussy and finally ask her out."
My nostrils flare a bit as I stare at the TV for a moment.
"I—I just can't, okay? Why are you up my ass about this?" I finally look at him.
"Because. If I could ask out Jenna, then you can ask out Hannah. You're about to be a bachelor, and you have nothing to lose." he insists, half smiling.
"Yeah except my dignity. Have you seen me? Or her? She's way out of my league," I shake my head, "I'm like a bootleg Jonah Hill."
"Would you just think about it?" he pleads.
"Fine. Whatever."

~

Even though it wasn't our first time seeing each other, it almost felt like it. I feel like I'm having to regain all that confidence I had built up before. This fuzzy feeling I keep getting. Every time I try to brush it off, it never seems to work. Not as long as I'm thinking about her.
It wasn't like it was some special occasion, but in my opinion, appearances matter when you're trying to make first impressions. I wouldn't say that I'm completely insecure. Not anymore at least. It's just that I'm always finding a problem with myself when things aren't exactly how I want them to be.
The one thing I do know is that I'm eager to see her in her natural habitat. I don't think I've ever known anyone who was a real ballerina. It's one of those things that you won't believe they exist until you see one in person. They all seem so unreal. Dainty, frail, and tiny. Just completely delicate.

Ideas are still in my mind though. About us not talking after the hookup. I have so many questions, but in the same breath, I know I should just keep my mouth shut about some things. It's not always my business or place to have an opinion.
Nevertheless, I just wanted to see her. Kiss her. Hug her. Doesn't matter whether the discourse transpires before or after. Just as long as she feels the same.
I put on a tan short sleeve, button-up shirt, pairing it with a white t-shirt, black cropped slacks, and white Adidas. I'm never sure of what the vibe is when I get dressed. I wasn't sure if I was doing way too much, or not enough at all. Once I put a few rings on and a bit of cologne, I made my way to the garage to find my car. The studio was maybe a twenty-minute walk from my place. I figured I could get a good after-dinner walk-in if I took advantage of that, so I did so. Taking my time of course.
I don't think she has a car, so I can assume I'll just walk her home, considering it's the night. Or maybe get us a taxi. Regardless, the first goal was just to get there first, and not get ahead of myself like I always do.