The Downfall of the 'It Girl'

Making It As A Nobody.

Early the next morning, wisps of dreams of Calvin fleeted from my mind. They seemed so real, at first, and then as the fog cleared from my head, I realized with a deepening sadness that they were just that -- dreams.

Rolling over and smacking the top of my alarm clock to silence the alarm, I laid and debated on whether or not I was going to attempt this whole school thing again. Just a handful of days ago, I’d had it all. Everything any high school student could ever hope for, at least on the surface of things. But had that really been the case? Were Landon’s minions really my friends as well? Or were they just playing some sort of ’part’ while Landon bided his time with me? My heart sank and tears welled up in my eyes as realization surfaced. The latter was true, no matter what my heart tried to tell my mind. My conscious knew the real answers. Even if I didn’t want to admit them.

Blaring more obscenities, the small alarm on my bedside table reminded me that it was either now or never. I had to do it. I had to face my demons. Even if that meant doing it alone.

****

Forty five minutes later, I stood on the curb next to my driveway and watched the big yellow school bus creeping closer and closer from down the street. What a fool I felt like, riding the bus to school on my senior year! The sky was very seriously threatening more rain, and there was no way I was going to willingly walk through another downpour like I did yesterday afternoon. Hopefully it was all underclassmen on the bus, and no one would recognize me. Thoughts of school yesterday sifted back into my memory. No one had even noticed me. Not until the scene in the cafeteria with Landon, anyway. The brakes screeching on the bus, it came to a halt in front of me. Taking a deep breath, I climbed the rubber coated stairs when the doors folded open, welcoming me inside. 

Keeping my head down, I made my way down the aisle, and quickly found an empty seat somewhere near the middle. Thankfully, the bus wasn’t very full. What other passengers there were seemed to be keeping to themselves: working on due homework, reading, listening to their Ipods, or fighting to stay awake during the ride. Settling into my seat, I scooted up against the side of the bus and stared longingly out of the window. Hopefully this was as short and painless as possible.

Within another thirty minutes, we had picked up more students, and I was being dropped off with a few others at the main entrance of the high school. Keeping my head down, I walked quickly and quietly to my locker. Mr. H would be pleased that I wasn’t going to be tardy this morning. Well, if he even noticed me at all. Knowing my luck the last few days, I could be sitting right in front of him and he would mark me absent.

A sour taste entered my mouth, and I swallowed  quickly. Glancing down the hall, Landon was gathered at the usual morning hangout spot with Kelsey, Amber, Sandler, and a handful of others. They looked to be sharing a good laugh over something or another. Regretfully, I found myself wishing that I knew what it was, and that I were still over there, laughing right along with them. Fighting back fresh tears, I walked quickly past and turned the corner just on the other side of their group and made a beeline for my first hour class.

Slinking down in my seat, I opened my notebook and textbook. Burying my face in my hands and taking several deep breaths, I did my best to erase the picture of Landon and the group from my memory. 

“You’re going to end up hyperventilating if you keep breathing like that, you know,” I jumped as a voice from behind me spoke up just as I was contemplating on whether or not my mom would let me transfer schools.

“Huh?” I asked, sounding oh so intelligent, I was sure. Mostly I was in shock that someone was actually talking to me. Wasn’t that against the rules or something now? Oh, don’t talk to her! She’s the ghost of Webster High now. I could hear the chatter already.