Evelyn Johnson
A name that held so much power, but yet none at all. The name that was so easily replaced in every news paper article and award and medal. It was never in front of anyone else's name, always put second, or behind the others.
Evelyn...
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"Known Failure"
Lifting my head from the toilet sink, I refused to let the vomit sitting in my throat, rise. I did not need this. None of this needed to happen the first day back from Christmas break. I was fine. I always had been fine, and I always will be fine. That was who I was, and always will be.
Standing as straight as I could, I took in the pale color of my face. I took a deep breath in, feeling my lungs expand at the air, before letting it go. I did it again, and again, as the color started to return to my face. This was normal, nothing out of the ordinary. It always happened, and I had no idea how to stop it from happening, but I knew how to control it.
I knew how to hide things deep down, and cover it up with a bright smile on my face, even when it felt like it shouldn't be there. It had to be there, so it was going to be there, and that was all that mattered. I just did what I had to do to survive, and that was all I needed to do, as I got through every day by saying that to myself, even if I had to remind myself over and over.
Taking a final glance, a final deep breath in was all I needed for the tan color to come back to my face, before I was turning my back on the girl in the mirror. I didn't need to see how much of a failure she was, knowing that those words were going to be said to my face when I walked into the office this morning, so I didn't need to remind myself anymore.
No matter how many different people remind me of the exact same words, it never gets better. The only thing that gets easier is knowing that the words are coming. Knowing that that is all I am ever going to be and that I just have to be okay with it. That is who I have become and there is nothing that can change me from that.
Walking across the hallway, I looked both ways, knowing that no one else would be awake. Actually, no one is actually really here. My father is probably half way across the world, selling some stupid product for an unreasonable price while my mother will be dead asleep in her bed, that has the white sheets and the white pillows on the perfect white bed, in the white silk pajamas that my sister bought her for Christmas last year.
Speaking of my sister, she is probably staying at her boyfriends, dreaming of the next color of nails she'll be getting or the color she will probably be dying her hair next. Even though she has millions of dollars rolling in her name, she still begs our dad to buy her a new set of nails or her hair appointment. He always does it willingly, as she is her first daughter.
Next, there's my eldest brother, who is the known playboy of town. He gets every girl of his dreams, just by blinking his eyes, it's a real wonder how he keeps a girlfriend. I'm sure he has cheated on her multiple times while he's been at college, but who I am to know. I barely speak to him, only when he comes home, but even then, he can't stand being near me, just like I can't stand being within the same room as him.
Then, my other brother Sebastian, is probably asleep in his room, with millions of cups and bottles around his bed, with plates and bowls filling his desk, covering all of his missed assignments and exam dates. He doesn't care, as he was held back when he was a small child, that he should have been finished last year, but he isn't even in the running for finishing with my class year.
