Loving Her Body

just relax, baby girl

POV: Haelyn...

Just go away...

Go away...leave me alone...go away...please...leave me alone...

Why won't she leave?

Just leave me alone!

I'm losing my mind and having the reason I'm losing my mind banging against the door separating us demanding to be let in isn't helping.

Selene keeps threatening to knock the door out of its frame as I shrink into one corner of the bathroom, hiding my face in my knees as my mind feels like it's going insane.

So many of Elise's memories are flooding into my head and it's giving me a migraine and it hurts and my head feels like it's throbbing and I just want to get rid of this pressure in my skull...or is it Elise's skull...

I don't know anymore...

I had managed to hold back all of my concerns and had pushed back and delayed this mental breakdown for weeks. I suppose it had to hit me at some point. I couldn't avoid it forever but I didn't realise how horrible I would feel.

My fingers drag through my hair as I beg for this to stop. It hurts...it all hurts...

The memories, my head, all of Elise's body...it all hurts.

Surely it wouldn't hurt this much if the memories were decent ones, right? I wish they were nice but they're not. They're horrible and they're all about Selene and how rough she used to be with Elise.

Now all the negative notes Elise used to make on Selene make sense. Selene was horrible. She basically tortured Elise, never giving Elise a break even when she pleaded for it or was injured because of Selene's actions.

The more memories from Elise that return to her head, the darker my mind seems to get. How the hell did Elise not kill herself with how horrible Selene was to her for so long?

How does she not have a crap tonne of scars on her arms like I used to?

Compared to Elise, my problems seem like nothing and yet I was slicing my skin relentlessly to punish myself for just feeling so depressed constantly and for existing. Perhaps I finally did it...

Perhaps that's how I died...it wouldn't surprise me.

Even if I did manage it, I didn't get any relief. Instead I'm inside another girl's body that went through even more shit than I ever did and was strong enough not to shatter.

I'm so sorry, Elise...I'm not you...I'll never be you...I don't want to damage your body but damn is it getting harder...I just don't want this anymore...

"Damn it, Elise!" Selene suddenly yells, her voice much louder than it should be making me realise she's gotten through the door. "Why the fuck are you being so disobedient? Why didn't you unlock the door when I fucking told you to?"

She suddenly grabs my wrist, trying to tug me up to my feet, ignoring the tears streaming down my cheeks and how I struggle against her.

"Let me go," I blurt as I finally break free from her tight grasp, falling back to the tiled floor, shuffling into the corner, the furthest distance I can get from her.

"What the fuck has gotten into you, Elise?" She demands. "Are you purposefully trying to get me into a horrible mood with you? Are you begging for me to snap at you?"

"Please...stop yelling..." I mutter as my migraine gets worse. "It hurts..."

She finally shuts up, crouching beside me as she asks me what hurts. I don’t know how to answer that, especially not when my mind is freaking out about her being so close to me, scared of what she is capable of doing to Elise.

She's bruised and beaten Elise so many times before, to the extent Elise had to go to hospital to be treated, that I can't help but be petrified of her.

Selene sighs before getting up, giving up on asking me anything. She starts rummaging through a cabinet in the bathroom, pulling out a bottle of pills as well as a rag and a bottle of some liquid that has the label torn off.

I flinch away and shuffle as far back as I can from her  as she crouches in front of me, holding two pills in her hand from the bottle she got from the cabinet.

"Elise, you need to relax," she tells me though her voice just sends shivers through me. "Swallow these for me, okay?"

I shake my head but she slips behind me, pinning my arms against my sides as she brings her hands holding the pills up to my mouth. I squeeze my lips shut, refusing to let her slip them into my mouth.

"Elise, calm down for a moment and take them," she orders but I don't want to open my mouth. "Take them willingly or I'll calm you down more forcefully."

I shake my head as I struggle to breathe, panic overwhelming me. She holds me tighter as I wriggle in her arms, desperate to get away from this woman who abused her position of power over Elise for so long and is surely taking advantage of me not knowing anything about her.

I manage to elbow her in her ribs making her arms loosen enough that I can escape and scurry to the other side of the bathroom, struggling to catch any breath as it feels like my chest is being crushed and my throat is closing.

My fingers grab onto my hair as I slide down the wall back onto the floor, all of this become far too much.

"Elise, stop it!" Selene orders. "You're going to pull out all your hair if you keep doing that."

She forcefully takes my hands away from my hair, pulling me in towards her chest and pinning my arms against my sides again. Her hand presses against my mouth and I feel the two pills fall into my mouth as I gasp for air.

Selene's hand remains over my mouth as I try to spit out the pills, struggling against her as she repeats that I just need to swallow them.

"All you need to do is swallow them, baby girl," she whispers in my ear as I keep struggling. "Just swallow them."

Eventually they slip down my throat, completely dry, feeling as if they've gotten caught in my tightened throat. She finally lets me free as I get up and run the tap, cupping water into my mouth, swallowing it to try and wash down the pills even though I know they're already down.

She slowly gets up and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her face in the crook of my neck.

"Get the fuck away from me, Selene, you bitch," I scream, Selene reluctantly letting me go and escape into the rest of the room I'm forced to share with her.

"Watch your language, Elise," she warns, patiently following me.

As I try to leave the room, my head becomes hazy and all my limbs become drowsy. Every part of me feels heavy making me slow down before collapsing, Selene effortlessly catching me before I hit the ground.

I'm not unconscious. Just exhausted and all of my muscles feel as though they've completely relaxed and are ignoring my mind's pleas to move.

"Just relax, baby girl. Let the drugs work. Don't fight them," Selene whispers as my breathing frequently hitches. "Just relax."

Just let me go...

I hate your touch...

Please...let me go...I shouldn't be here...

****
How are you all feeling about this story do far?

How would you react if you woke up and were in someone else's body? Would you freak out? Or would you be curious?