~*~
Vanessa del Real messaged you
VANS:
i heard what Chritien did
nakauwi ka na ba
??
Napatulala ako sa mensahe ni Vans. Pakiramdam ko ay tumatagos ang paningin ko sa screen ng mobile phone ko nang mabasa ko ang message niya kinabukasan pagkagising. Kung paano nila nalaman, yun ay hindi ko alam. Marami pang messages ang mga kaibigan ko sa akin pero kay Vans ko lang napiling magreply.
LILY: i'm fine, niligtas ako ni Gallego
VANS:
call me if you need someone to talk to
walang kinalaman ni Gallego, I talked to him...
he reported what happened kaya may black card sanction na sina Chritien
My eyes grew bigger. A black card sanction gives out the heaviest punishment and it can be prolonged for days to weeks plus everything about it will be recorded. The school will strictly follow every move of the student with a black card sanction hanggang sa tingin nila ay nagtino na ito sa ginawang kalokohan.
LILY:
i don't know about that
might find sum tym to thank him for dat
tnx for the update, Vans
Pearl Zurielle messaged you
ZURI: zup, gusto mo bang ipagbake kita ng cookies kapag papasok ka na? Just tell me
Hiraya Mirai Matsomoto messaged you
AYA:
I'm wondering if Alice loved Wonderland or she was just drugged
Nasa house ako nina Z kanina, ipagbe-bake ka raw niya ng cookies kapag papasok ka na
Shinique Boyce messaged you
SHIN: sinong aabangan ko sa gate mamaya? Gago mga nagkulong sa'yo sa cr
I sighed.
I turned off my mobile phone and the notifications after reading the text messages from my friends. All of them are trying to make me feel better by their own ways pero hindi ko alam kung paano magre-react. I feel overwhelmed that simply replying to them takes too much of my energy. Siguro ay tapos na ako for today, kahit umaga pa lang ay pagod na ako, I can't do it anymore.
Gusto ko na lang mahiga at magpahinga hanggang bukas but seeing myself at the mirror stresses me out -- magulo ang buhok, mugto ang mga mata, and lines of dried tears left marks upon my skin. My uniform looked sloppily fitted to me at nanggigitata iyon dahil sa duming dumikit galing sa maghapong naipon na dumi. Hindi na ako nakapagpalit pa kagabi. Mukha akong manananggal sa gulo ng ayos ko.
Napasandal ako sa lababo. I gasped, later I found myself stiffling every sob I don't want to hear. Ayaw kong umiyak but my physical image shows how pitiful I look, kaya siguro ako kinakaya-kaya lang ng grupo nina Chritien Antonio.
I looked like I don't fight back and weak.
Siguro ay naaawa lang sa'kin ang mga kaibigan ko kaya sila nag-i-stay bilang mga kaibigan ko. Ganun nga siguro talaga, I'm the pitiful weakling that needed saving. Pero ano itong gingawa ko? I can't even express my gratitude towards them. Ang sama kong tao. Minsan kahit kay Andromeda ay ganito ako -- look, I can't even call her "mom" because of guilt.
I'm best in pushing people away but still wanting them to stay.
"I'm sorry," napahagulgol ako sa sariling realizations ko.
Napatakip ako ng palad sa mukha habang umiiyak. I felt like there are thousand needles burried in my heart -- breaking it, afflicting injury to its beat. Then my shoulders shook uncontrollably because of the intensity of my crying and my breathing hitched but nothing made me stop from crying.
Uliulit ay naramdaman kong makati ang katawan ko sa kung paanong nangangati ako kagabi habang nakakulong ako sa maliit ng cubicle na 'yon. There was this desire to claw my fingers upon my skin and dug deeper beneath it, to inflict pain, to make me feel something so that I'd know I'm alive.
