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"hurry up y/n we're going to be late" katie called out to me. we had decided to walk to training, unsurprisingly this was katie's idea. i was a slow walker and katie had too much energy for 7:00 on a saturday morning.
"katie. i am not going any faster and this was your idea." i huffed towards the spritely katie and continued with my pace.
we finally make it to the camp and i'm dragged into the meeting room by, guess who, katie. we made it on time and the coach, vera pauw, starts her pre match day speech. we play an international friendly against australia tomorrow.
it took what felt like an hour for vera to finish but we all traipsed out onto the pitch afterwards and started our training.
me and katie were practicing our goal scoring, taking turns with our goalkeeper to shoot. but when i heard my name shouted out from the side of the pitch and turned to see vera, my stomach dropped. she had never been a big fan of me, and i'd never liked her way of coaching the team, but we kept it civil for the game.
i jogged over to her, "you want to talk to me?" "yes. i don't like the way you're scoring goals. you need to work harder." and with that she walked off.
i was left standing in the sidelines where she once was with a shocked expression and confusion coursing through me.
"how do you not like how i'm scoring goals? i thought that was the whole point of the game." i mutter to myself as i walked back to katie.
"what did she want?"
katie shared my disagreement with how vera worked, and often found herself telling her how to manage her own team. "wanted me to work harder." i grumbled out. katie just scoffed and assured me i was doing my best. we continued with practice and i was glad when it ended.
——
it was game day and in some ways, i was glad.
since it was australia we were playing, i got to see caitlin, kyra and my favourite, steph. we were all at arsenal together, along with katie, who hadn't shut up about getting to see caitlin again.
about an hour out from the game and we were in the changing rooms in our training shirts.
vera had put me in the starting lineup, which was surprising since she didn't like me. but i wasn't complaining about it and ran out onto the field with the rest of my teammates. we did our pre match warmup on our side of the field, and the aussies did theirs on the other. i was keeping an eye out for steph whenever i could, she was the only good thing about this match.
katie kept teasing me when che caught me staring, saying i should ask her out already.
"katie! i don't even know if she likes girls."
katie simply cocked an eyebrow at me and left it at that.
soon it was time for kickoff. i walked out behind katie, our captain, holding one of the young mascot's hands. once the game was underway i relaxed more. football was my passion and i enjoyed it too much to let people like vera ruin it for me.
at half time it was till nil all, but we'd had a couple of shots at goal. i was confident we could at least get one point in this match. that confidence faded when vera pulled me to the side while the other girls walked into the changing rooms.
"i need to you to work harder. we have barley had the ball, and as a midfielder, your job is to get the ball back." she had a condescending tone and her stare was like ice. i just mumbled an ok before walking off to join the girls.
when we got back onto the pitch after half time, i turned out to be right. we'd managed to get a corner kick when the ball was kicked out from my feet in a foul slide tackle. katie took the shot, and in a miraculous fashion, she scored a goal straight from the kick. everyone on our team was shocked and ecstatic while i ran up to her and jumped on her back. but our happiness didn't last for long when caitlin had the ball, passing it to sam kerr and she got a foot to it, scoring their first goal to equal the score.
by the end of the game, the aussies had one up on us, steph scored a goal right on the 90 minute mark. i was tired and my legs were aching, i'd been running after the ball for the whole game and still hadn't been given a rest. katie knew, she could see the fatigue in some of the other players too. vera refused to swap anyone out, at least not yet, even after katie had all but begged her to sub some fresh legs on so we still had a fighting chance.
unfortunately, she didn't listen, and we were all forced to play on. i knew that was a critical mistake on vera's part because we were all trying our best with what we had left after 80 minutes. after the loss i lay on the pitch, eyes closed and hands over my face. i could still hear vera's voice from half time, telling me i wasn't good enough and i had to work harder. my breathing picked up and my throat started to get smaller and it became harder to get air. the tears already formed in my eyes spilled over and ran down my cheeks.
i knew i was having a panic attack, i was prone to those if i overthought things. katie came up to me then, she had the most impeccable timing, and noticed the state i was in.
"shit, shit, shit. i'm gonna get steph."
she jogged away again and went to grab our arsenal teammate. neither me nor steph had admitted any feeling towards the other but we acted like an old married couple and she was the only person that had successfully been able to calm me down from a panic attack.
said woman appeared within seconds, kneeling next to me and grabbing my hands.
"y/n, it's okay. listen to me. look at me, y/n" i flick my eyes to her face. "tell me five things you can hear."
"t-the crowd, you, my heart beat, uh, i don't know." i mumble the last bit.
"good, that's good. four things you can see?"
"the sky, you, the grass and katie kissing caitlin." the last bit brings a tiny smile to my face.
"well done. three things you can smell?" she chuckles and asks me the next one.
"sweat, uh, the grass? and, uh, a little bit of your perfume."
"good, good. two things you can taste?"
"my tears and blood from my lip i was chewing."
"and one thing you can feel?"
"your hands."
my heart beat had calm down and my breathing returned to normal. steph pulled me up and into a hug.
"thankyou."
"for what, puddin'? i didn't do much." she smiled at me.
"for being my person."
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