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I STOOD THERE as I saw Mom's grave. Today was the day. Man, fuck suicide. Seven years since she died. "Hey mom." I sniffled in the cold autumn weather. "It's about to be my first day of junior year after Thanksgiving break, I'm really excited!" I plastered a fake smile as I stared at the smooth stone. I sighed and looked down at the roses.
"Well, um, I don't think Dad's coming today. He's trying to move on from you, but you were everything to him," my legs lowered down and sat on the yellow grass, where the leaves touched my legs. "I don't know when I'm gonna tell Dad that I'm lesbian. This year. This year for sure, but I'm...I'm scared Mom. And he's so different now. I just wanna find that light in him again." I replied.
I heard a car driving towards the graveyard.
Dad.
"Um, Dad's probably gonna yell at me for being out here again. I'm gonna go in the car." I laid my rose which I bring every fucking day to the sight. "I miss you."
"Sam!" I turned around to see the grey Honda civics parked, and my dad out of the car. "What are you doing? You have school in two hours! And how did you even get here! You don't even have your license yet."
"I'm...just saying hi," I whispered. "Why don't you ever say hi to Mom anymore?"
"Sam, Sam, Sam. Hon', I don't have the time to see her. I have you and that's all I need. And...fuck...why are you out here? It's shivering! It's thirty degrees, and you don't even have a damn jacket on." I heard him start to ramble as his tears get blown into the wind.
"Yeah, fine, I'm getting in the car."
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I SAT ON MY DESK and waited for Amber to arrive, and then I saw her.
OLIVIA RYDER
Liv and I have been friends since second grade. My dad produces for her music and they write songs together, so we get to hang out a lot.
I miss talking to her.
Amber sat next to me and smiled. "Hey, lover girl! So, when are you gonna tell her how you feel?" she asked me.
"I don't know yet! I'm just so stuck! Oh my god, like, I haven't even told my dad that I'm gay as fuck, and he's talking about setting me up with that boy across the street. Like, get the fuck out! I don't want you!" Amber and I laughed it off, but in the end, I was right.
I'm too scared to tell him.
"Well, tell him whenever you feel it, girl. He's really nice. In fact, can we hang out today? Please?" she asked me. I couldn't refuse. Amber is the most convincing person I know.
"Yeah, yeah, sure!" I replied. I saw a new—and hot—teacher walk into the room. He wasn't a substitute, for sure. He was tall, like taller than my dad type of tall. He was also really attractive. From his green eyes, to his suit, and to his biceps you could see under the shirt, you could tell all the girls wanted to smash him.
I saw Amber giggled and bite her nails when she saw the teacher, and I bumped her elbow. "Ow! Sam!"
"Girl! He's probably like forty years old!" I alerted her. His eyes laid on mine and smirked in a weird way.
"Well, technically, I'm 29 years old AND I'm your new teacher. Mr. Caswell." Amber let out a giggle once more.
"Um, wait, what do you mean new teacher?" I asked him curiously.
"Oh! Um, your old teacher quit after this student was being racist to her so yeah." he replied. This was his first time teaching. I could tell by the way he twiddled with his thumbs and kept staring at the papers given to him.
"Hey! You're gonna do good out there. My name's Samantha Bowen, but everyone calls me Sam, and that's-"
"Amber! Amber Adams." she said in a flirty way.
"Okay, Sam and Amber! Ah! Well, this is gonna be a hell of a day."
Yeah no shit.
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I DROPPED MY BACKPACK down at the floor and took off my shoes. "Dad! I'm home!" I looked around and saw him watching TV.
This is what I meant by too busy to see Mom.
"Oh! Hey, pumpkin! You wanna eat anything? I made Nachos." he offered. I looked at the nachos and dipped my finger into it. Too liquidity.
"No, I don't trust your cooking." I said, smelling the awful nachos.
"Suit yourself, kiddo." he said, taking a bite out of the chip.
"We had a new teacher. He was kinda hot, not gonna lie!" I replied, and I'm a lesbian.
"Sam, you can't talk about your teachers like that." he said, taking a bit out of his soggy nachos.
"No, he's like your age. He's twenty nine. I think you should meet him." I said.
"Um, no, no, it's fine." he said. Different. I wish he could just get out of the house a bit. The only times we go are when we wanna get grocery and when we need to.
"Oh! Also! Amber's coming soon, if that's okay."
"Yeah, yeah, sure." he answered. I took one bite of the nacho and got up from my chair. "What's his name? Maybe I got an email from him or something."
"Mr. Caswell." His eyes flashed and grinned widely. A little too widely.
"No way! EJ Caswell is an English teacher. I used to go to school with him! He was a nice guy." he said. "Yeah, yeah, I'll meet him sometime maybe. Catch up, unless he doesn't remember me."
"Okay, I'm gonna head to my room. Lots of homework, ya know." I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder.
Should I do it now?
"Dad?" I asked him.
"Hmm?"
No. Not now.
Maybe another day.
"I love you." I smiled. I knew he was just trying his best. That's why I never ask him for much. Him and Sydney have been trying to write a pop-hit for a long time. Never worked. I just want to see him smile for once.
