Salaam

Chapter 3 : Maryam

Chapter 3

Everyone was done with meeting the newly weds and ravishing the food, now the crowd was proceeding towards the exit. It was time for Rukhsati. The atmosphere shifted and a different kind of heaviness was dragging all of us down. Was it the exhaustion of all the hectic days coming back to us? or was it the sadness of the fact that Aapa was leaving us? No matter how much I tried to think of it as a new beginning for both of them as a couple, her leaving was draining me from within. I have lived with Aapa all my life, she has been my rock, my bully, my biggest supporter and cheerleader, she has been my everything and to let her go is the hardest thing that I am about to do today.

I approach the stage as Yusuf bhai is introducing all of his friends to Aapa.
"Where is Raza Sahab?"
He asked one of his friends.

"He is getting the Car ready. It's time for Rukhsati."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
The moment the word Rukhsati reached Aapa's ears, she looked horrified. the feeling was sinking in, leaving has never been easy, be it a habit, people, or your belongings, leaving has always been one of hardest feelings to endure. We both shared the pained look as I helped her get down from the stage towards our family. Amma and Abba were deep in conversation with Yusuf Bhai's parents. Aapa took small steps towards Amma and both of them broke down in tears. No one was sober, everyone was crying their eyes out. Abba hugged her and everyone started leaving. Half of the guests were gone, and the rest of them, the close ones, were waiting for rukhsati to be done, so that they could leave. Omar Bhai was trying to calm Abba down, he has always been the strong one. Aapa's rukhsati was one of the hardest things for all of us. She has been the life of the family, and nothing will change that.

Their car arrived, and Yusuf bhai hugged Abba and he sobbed in his arms and I broke down. It is one thing to cry but to see your father sob, to see him cry and break down completely is a whole different thing. In that moment something shifted and shattered within me. Aapa sat in the car and we bid our goodbyes. As everyone left the venue, we bid farewell to all the relatives and left. The tears weren't stopping, it was getting harder to breathe, but I had to drive everyone back home so I controlled my emotions and helped Amma and Abba get settled in the car. The drive felt longer than usual, all I wanted to do was hold Aapa longer in my embrace but it would have broken both of us.

"Maryam are you alright?"

Omar bhai asked me from the passenger seat. I was so occupied in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we were in our building's parking lot and I was staring into nothingness. Amma and Abba had already left. The dam gate opened and the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"Maryam, it's going to be alright. we are here, everyone is here, and we will visit Zainab tomorrow for Walima right?
it's okay.. "

He kept rubbing my back as I cried in his embrace.

Aapa getting married made a hole in my heart, deep enough for me to be lost in the darkness. All my life I have lived under her light, now it was hard to look beyond this darkness within me. she was the one who provided me with the confidence that I have carried along with me throughout my school and college life, but to think she won't be there constantly guiding me, helping me and correcting my mistake every now and then feels wrong.

My phone started ringing, bringing me back from my trance. It was Amma.

We reached home and the dumpster of a living room was calling out to me to be cleaned and organized. The distraction helped me get back on track. After hours of cleaning and putting things away I was finally done with the job. I checked my phone,
and there was a message from Aapa.