When Hope dies

~The faded flower~

~The faded flower~

"Hope dies last," my mother always said. As optimistic as this may sound, my mother was an incredibly mean woman.When something in her life wasn't going perfectly, she resorted to alcohol or took out her frustration on her children.She didn't bother to look after me or my sister Mary Louise.My childhood was often hard and strange, but I still don't want to change anything about it because, like so often in life, there were also the beautiful moments.

When my mother died, I was 32 and just beginning to pursue my dream of becoming an actress.Something I didn't know was that my mother inherited the huge house in which I grew up as a child.Other women of that age would certainly have been happy to inherit a house, live there, and one day raise children there.No, I was incredibly angry and desperate because it wasn't a house but literally a shack. Everything was falling apart and you could have shot a horror film there.When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of one day living in a beautiful white house with a fountain and a beautiful garden.
This wasn't at all what I expected and I didn't know where to start. Since I had only acted in a few and very small plays so far, I hardly had any money.There was enough to live on and for the most necessary things, but certainly not to rebuild a house.

With trembling legs, I stood in front of the "ruins" and looked around.
"It was much nicer here in my childhood"I whispered to myself
I slowly entered the house and was afraid it would collapse on top of me.The floor squeaked so loudly that my ears hurt. There was dust everywhere and I couldn't believe that my own mother had lived there just a few weeks ago.

I walked through the house quietly but strangely very curiously. I hadn't entered the house for years because the relationship with my mother was impossible and terrible...I look at the old pictures that hung on the walls and were also covered in dust.Old memories came back when I saw the pictures with me and my family. There were old school friends of mine in some of the pictures and I knew exactly how much I liked them.
Even if my mother was never loving towards me, I still had a wonderful childhood. I grew up in Summit, New Jersey and had many good and, above all, true friends.
It was nice to be reminded of all the good times when I was suddenly snapped out of my daydream.
I glanced at the rotten table and saw a withered rose.
"Who did they come from? Did my mother even have any friends? She was very spirited..." I thought
At this point I felt like the rose. I was broken both emotionally and physically. I felt lost but there was no turning back...
"I'll never be an actress! The theater will have to wait now that I'm stuck in this terrible situation!" I screamed
Everything seemed destroyed...