"Hey, love, what are ye' up t- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Lauryn yelped, unceremoniously dropping her phone to the floor in a panic. "THAT THING IS FOOKIN' UGLY!"
You pouted. "I thought ye' said I was pretty."
"Not you ye' fookin' shit'ead, that."
You gaped, pointing at the adorable little creature inside the full water tank. "Gary? He's the second cutest thing I've ever seen!"
Your girlfriend placed her hands on her hips. "And what's the first cutest thing you've ever seen?"
"You."
The Midfielder flushed. "W-well- that thing is still ugly as shit."
You frowned. "But I got the black melanoid one."
"What even is it?"
You reached into the tank, gently pulling out the animal with your uninjured arm. "It's an axolotl, ye' uncultured buffoon."
Lauryn gagged, making a mad dash for the door. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
You stroked Gary's head with your thumb as Jordan walked by. "It's okay, Gary. Don't listen to her, you're beautiful."
"Y/N- aww, that axolotl's so cute!" Jordan cooed. "When'd you get this little guy?"
Lauryn stood behind her, jaw hanging open. "THE HELL D'YE' MEAN? IT'S SLIMY AND GROSS!"
You and the Englishwoman glared at her simultaneously. "HE IS NOT!"
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"Y/N-" Lauryn approached, attempting to be your partner during training.
"No! G'way," you stuck out your tongue in mock anger, opting for Kyra as your duo instead. "You hurt Gary's feelings earlier."
Jonas paused mid-sentence. "Who's Gary?"
"Me axolotl."
Kim raised her eyebrows in confusion. "What the fuck is an axolotl?"
You gasped, Jordan and Kyra having similar reactions. "It's one of the three best things in the world, are ye' tellin' me you've never seen one?"
Leah rolled her eyes. "What are the other two best things in the world? You have weird opinions, I'm curious."
You feigned offense. "I do not! But since you asked, Lauryn. And instant ramen."
Katie laughed as all of the older Gunners facepalmed. "You'd be a great Uni student."
"I would, yes."
-------------------
"No, Y/N," Lauryn huffed, crossing her arms. "I am not get an... axe of... lot or whatever it's called just so yours can have a best friend, they're disgusting."
"Pleaaaase," you asked, using your best puppy dog eyes. "For me?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fiiiine. But you're getting it for me, I'm not tampering with the black market and shit."
"Wha— I don't—"
----------------
Lauryn turned her head to the side. "What should her name be?"
You shrugged. "Beats me. Just choose a bunch of random words and mix some names in. That's how I named Gary."
The Midfielder blinked. "I thought his name was just Gary."
You scoffed. "Of course not. His full legal name is Gary Tennis Racket Plunger Hecatoncheires Diomedes Dramatic Doorknob the First."
"...huh?"
------------------
"Hey, Crotch!" You waved, a beaming grin decorating your face as you placed down your phone. "I wanna show ye' somethin'!"
"Hi- okay, I guess," your oldest sister mumbled. "Hi, Lauryn."
"I- what-?" Your girlfriend stuttered. "Door- knob?"
Kristie cringed. "Uh-oh. What did you do now?"
You cupped Gary in your hand, delicately placing him on your desk in front of the camera. "Say hi, Gary!"
The Midfielder spit out her water, eyes wide. "What the fuck is that?"
"You're all so mean," you grumbled in annoyance, patting Gary's squishy back with two fingers. "Gary's a cute little axolotl."
She sighed, raking a hand down her face. "At least you picked a normal name this time."
You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. "Lauryn, babe, should I tell her Gary's full name?"
That snapped the Irish girl out of her stupor. "No!"
"Gary Tennis Racket Plunger Hecatoncheires Diomedes Dramatic Doorknob the First."
Kristie swore violently as she knocked over her water bottle. "Fucking hell, it got worse."
"HEY!"
------------------
"Hi, Y/N," the reporter smiled. "What made you want to care for a pet?"
You pursed your lips. "Well, Jonas and these stinkers won't let me do anythin' because they think I'm gonna pass out again, so there's no point in goin' to trainin'. And axolots are adorable."
"But why not a dog or a cat?"
You waved your hand dismissively. "Too basic. Too much fur. And hairless cats are... not me thing."
"Where did you get the name from?"
You cocked your head to the side questioningly. "Why?"
"Um, because there's around ten different separate names... and some of them aren't even names."
You gasped in offense. "Doorknob is too a name!"
Lauryn stuck her head through the door, face scrunched up grumpily. "You can take your stupid doorknob and shove it up yer' arse!"
You shrunk under her gaze. "Sorry, dearest."
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That was much too repetitive for my liking, but I'm dumb as shit so oh well
Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!
