Who he used to be

Chapter 2

“We’ve been playing for 2 hours now. Would you atleast tell me now what exactly happened? You don’t seem like yourself today. You even rejected those cute girls who asked for your number. What’s going on in that head of yours?” Shreyansh was genuinely concerned about Harsh’s behaviour. “I’m hungry let’s go eat some momos first. It’s okay to have a cheat day I guess.” Said Harsh. Shreyansh got really annoyed and shouted, “Answer me first or else I’m going home. Do you not trust me even?” Harsh kept quiet as he sat contemplating. After waiting for a few minutes, Shreyansh did not have anymore patience and got up to leave. When Harsh suddenly spoke up. “Okay so listen, back in tenth grade, I had my first ever relationship. The first and only love of my life. I was an introvert with almost no self confidence. I used to be a loner until this girl showed up in my life. She changed the way I looked at the world, taught me to love and also to love myself. We didn’t date for long. It was two months and a week. when one day, she suddenly dropped a bombshell on me and disappeared. She hurt me really bad but I just could not get myself to believe her words. I just couldn’t bring myself to hate her. I could never believe what we had was not real even for a second. I have been sad, hurt and depressed for days but could never get myself to blame her. But she made me confident and independent to be able to run a successful startup before even completing my degree. And that experience also contributes to my inability to get attached to anyone romantically which made me this certified jerk.” As Harsh finished speaking, Shreyansh abruptly got up and left. Harsh caught a glimpse of Shreyansh looking emotional and touched. Harsh tried to catch up to him but failed. Shreyansh was nowhere to be seen. It was almost like he magically disappeared. Harsh tried to call him but his phone was switched off. Harsh thought about talking to him about it later at uni and headed home. On the way back, he bought some biryani for himself and Tanya.
After dinner, Harsh had made up his mind to sleep early and fix his sleep schedule. As he lay on the bed trying to get some sleep, he found himself thinking about ‘her’ AGAIN. After laying on the bed for half an hour not being able to sleep, he got up and took that diary out of that box on his shelf and started reading.

Dear Diary, 20 October 2016, 9:38pm
I had one of the best days of my life. Today, an unexpected thing happened. So my dusshera holidays have begun, and parents had gone out for shopping. I had already bought what I wanted to I preferred staying home and playing League of Warriors. None of my friends were free so I was playing random clash squad matches. It was then I heard someone talking on the mic. It was a GIRL. You know how big of a deal it is to find female players in such battlefield games. Besides having a sweet voice, she even played well. She got two triple kills in consecutive rounds. She even cursed me for stealing her ace. She sounded sweet even when cursing. No, I’m not simping over her just yet. I’m loyal to my crush who doesn’t even notice me. So back to the game, after that game, I added her to my group and we played a few games. I made sure I played my best but after a few games she suddenly left saying her friends were waiting for her and left. I was quite sad that I couldn’t ask her to add me as friends before she left until few seconds later I got a friend request from her. I was so over the moon that the rest of the day passed in a blur. I did enjoy some of my favourite biryani that my parents got for lunch since they got back late from shopping. My sister forced me to buy passes to the garba night for day after tomorrow because mom won’t let her go alone. That’s basically it. I’m going to sleep early tonight. Good night.

Dear diary, 21 October 2016, 10:05pm
I played with her again. So, her name is Shelly. Like she did say she doesn’t like answering personal questions so that’s a name her online friends call her. Since she wasn’t comfortable sharing personal details, I refrained from asking much except the fact that she lived in the same city as me. When I asked her where she lived, that’s when she opened up about creepy guys she had met earlier so now she doesn’t prefer over sharing to people online. Playing and talking to her almost lights up my boring days. Being a loner, I have barely any friends irl.

Dear diary, 22 October 2016, 10:52pm
I know I’m a little late today. I had said about the garba night last time that me sister forced me to go. You won’t believe who I met there. Shreya was there with some of her other friends. She looked like the female lead of some Bollywood movie in that yellow lehenga. Her emerald green eyes were intoxicating and her smile, I just can’t find words to describe how gorgeous she looked. I didn’t realize I had been staring at her for too long until Tanya shouted out what I was staring at instead of dancing. Luckily, Shreya didn’t see me staring at her like a doofus. Later, when I went to get some drinks, I saw her again and she talked to me. SHE NOTICED ME? I was too stunned to even speak. She asked me who I was with and I got flustered while speaking. She laughed and asked why I was so nervous. Like the audacity to look so pretty and still ask why are you nervous. Anyways we chatted for a few minutes until her friends called out to her and she went back to them. Tanya was annoyed and asked what took me so long. I lied saying I had to go to the washroom. I really love my sister but I can’t trust her with this. She’s such a chatterbox idk who she will spill it all to. I couldn’t play all day today though. Tanya forced to practice garba, help her shop and choose her outfits. I off to sleep now, today was tiring but all worth it in the end.

Dear Diary,23 October 2016, 9:45pm
I’m confused about something now. So, I played with Shelly again. She did ask me why I hadn’t played yesterday. I told her what I was busy with and that I had gone for Garba. She said she had also gone to garba last night. Nice coincidence but she also said that she met a classmate there who she found really cute but just that he was very shy and never talked to her. She said she approached him and spoke to him until her friends interrupted them. This would be too much of a coincidence if she isn’t Shreya. The fact that she lives in this city, btw I had not told her that I live in the same city as her, and her fake name starts with sh too. She described the Garba incident exactly how it occurred. Could it really be her? Or am I being delusional? I mean how can she, the prettiest and most popular girl of Sunrise high, find me cute? And she doesn’t seem like someone who would play such games, like c’mon she has been the class topper for the last 3 years. I must be overthinking. It’s all just a coincidence. I really need t to stop thinking so much. I should go watch a movie instead. I can’t sleep now anyways.

Dear diary, 26 October 2016, 9:25pm
Past few days have not been quite eventful. Playing with Shelly has become the highlight of my days. She is such a goofy and fun person. She doesn’t care what others would think of her swearing and cussing, she shares fun details of her day. I don’t know how but I feel like we’ve become so close in such a short period of time. She even introduced me to some of her other friends who were nice too. The most important thing is she gave me her number. Without me asking. Like this is really big deal because she doesn’t trust people online to share personal details but she still gave me her number. She did warn me not to call but told I could text whenever I play so she could come online too. I was so overjoyed I can’t explain. I can’t help notice similarities between Shreya and Shelly, and even if they aren’t the same person, I can’t help catching feelings for Shelly now. I don’t know how, like I don’t know who she really is or how she looks but I’ve already fallen for her. I don’t dare to tell her of course. I can’t afford to lose her. What if she stops talking to me altogether.

Dear diary, 27 October 2016, 9:58pm
As usual I spent a few hours talking and playing with Shelly in the morning. She had told me she was going to visit the puja pandals in the evening so she won’t play later. I asked her which pandals she was planning to visit as I still wanted to confirm my doubts. I asked my parents we could go visit some pandals as our vacations were almost over and we still hadn’t. Papa didn’t have any work this evening so we went to the same pandals. Deep down, I hoped I would see Shreya that would support my theory that Shelly and Shreya are the same person. The pandals were beautiful but I was too busy scanning the crowd to find Shreya. I almost lost hope as I couldn’t spot Shreya in the 4 pandals we had been. But at the last pandal for the day, I saw her, looking effortlessly pretty, the extravagant pandal seemed faint in front of her. I don’t think she saw me, after all, I’m not like her to be able to stand out in such crowds of hundreds of people. This did suggest that both of them might be the same person but…. There is still something in me that tells me no, I can’t be real. It is too much of a coincidence but there were hundreds of people at the garba as well as these pandals. So, I cannot conclude for sure. I’m so puzzled right now. Anyways, mom is calling me for dinner, gotta go.

Dear diary, 28 October 2016, 10:35pm
This overthinking is killing me. Like I feel I’m already in love with whoever Shelly really is but I can’t help notice how similar she is to Shreya. It’s driving me crazy. I mean why does the mic voice sound different in LOW such that I can’t tell if it really is Shreya. Should I tell Shelly that we are from the same city and if she is comfortable to meet. I can’t take too long to consider because I had promised my parents that I would stop playing LOW as soon as the puja vacations end. I can tell her this and maybe she might consider meeting me then? Let’s see. I won’t chicken out this time. I will ask her out like to meet, ofc not a date because she doesn’t even know who I really am. Okay that’s it. I can do it.