Every Autumn Fall (Youthful Series 1)

After Fantasies: Prologue

Read at your own risk.

September

Five years later.

His breath constantly pecks through the skin of my neck, while his kisses linger around it living marks that prove how he owns me.

I groan as his thrust became deeper. My legs stretches as he spreads it wider, giving him more entrance inside of me. He plays with my chest, my sensitivity, with his thick warm fingers, one on my mound, two inside my mouth, while still not losing focus in shoving his masculinity inside me.

Napakapit ako ng mahigpit sa kaniyang mga braso habang patuloy pa rin siya sa pagpasok sa akin. Hinahabol ko ang aking hininga at patuloy na sinasambit ang kaniyang pangalan. Pakiramdam ko ay mababaliw na ako sa sarap na nararamdaman aking katawan.

Our room smells like alcohol but it's now slowly fading from familiarity. Hinigpitan ko ang piga sa aking unan, pinipigilan ang sarili na madala sa kaniyang nais kalalabasan.

"Inside?" he asks for my permission before he even continues. I nod, still biting my lips from still enduring the painful pleasure. I arched my stomach when his thrust became sloppier. "Lexi," he moans my name, pulling my waist aggressively as he releases inside me.

The danger of diseases never crossed my mind, or maybe I chose to ignore it because the pleasure of rawness made it all worth it. Besides, it's him. I know him. I know he's safe. I know every single thing he does and he did. He can never hurt me. He can never leave me.

I'm not sure if I am thinking right. Maybe this is just one of the things I say, after thoughts after sex.

Pinunasan niya ang mga talksik na nakawala sa aking katawan bago pa man humiga sa aking tabi. Ako'y sumandal sa kaniyang dibdib habang nakayakap ang kaniyang mga kamay sa aking balikat. The wrinkled sheets of his bed covers us while I am feeling the warmth of his skin all over me.

Ang pawis ay laway ay unti-unting natuyo sa aming mga balat. Nawala ang pagod sa paghabol namin ng aming hininga habang ang init ng aming dugo ay tuluyang naging kalmado. This is our calm after the storm.

Sometimes, I think that sex is my way of escape— a greater root for pleasure, and even an experience that is worth risking. For some reason, I thought sex would bring me everything, that it would make me feel complete. So, I tried dating apps, hooking up with other men. Some older, some younger than me but still mature of age, and most of them didn't last.

May mali ata sa katawan ko, sa pag-iisip ko, o sa puso ko mismo. Para bang may butas na hindi ko mahanap ang tamang taklob para takpan ito. Kulang na lang halughugin ko ito sa mga lalaking inaakala kong kukumpleto sa akin. Pero wala.

Admittedly, my sex drive is fucked up. Men has their ways of turning me on, and I have ways of trapping them, to let them crave for me. This game, this pleasure, this made me feel alive. Because for a short time, I have someone who actually likes me.

But all of these ideas that I possessed about sex changed when I met him, the man who gave me more lustful desires.

Our nights were filled with the wilderness of lust and yearnings, letting our hormones decide the rushing feeling of thirst from our bodies. I only realized that we had the most toxic kind of relationship now that I am imagining it after those years that had passed. We're two lustful people constantly wanting to satisfy our pleasure and desires.

But who would have thought that love can truly exist despite of this fleeting contract deal? I would never imagine my life making a deal with an abusive law student who destroyed my world.

Ano nga bang laban ko kung siya naman talaga ang patuloy kong hinanahap? Wala akong nagawa kung 'di ang sundin ang nararamdaman ko. I was blinded by this fake love and I let this corrupts me.

Because I did trust in what I felt, that if he loves my body, then that means he also loves me genuinely. But what if I was wrong after all?