Seasons

Mom Approves

Anntonia's POV:

The day has been pretty hectic. We did the rehearsal all day. We were practicing here and there, screaming our names and the country we represent, and doing our pasarela for the blocking. It was exhausting, but it's also making me look forward to how we will perform live.
 

I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that it was already 1:24 a.m. I am 100 percent sure that I don't have insomnia, but I just can't sleep right now, even though my whole being is too tired.
 

I kept on thinking. There is so much to think of. It's as if the thoughts are running and no one can stop them.
 

I covered my eye with my arm when I started struggling to breathe. I placed my hand on my mouth to cover it because I feel like I am about to burst and I don't want to disturb my roommate.

Breathe, Anntonia. Breathe.

I weakly got up and grabbed my phone. I do not know what came to mind, but I found myself dialing the number of my mom.
 
 
Maybe, mom could plant her wisdom in my mind. Maybe, she would enlighten me with the things that I cannot understand.

"Hello.. Anntonia! We missed you.." My mom said sweetly. My lips were quivering, and my eyes were getting teary.
 

I miss my support system in Thailand. I miss them so bad.
 

"Mom..." I managed to say, even when I was already silently sobbing.
 

"Wha... Are you crying? Anntonia? Are you having a hard time there?" I lowered the volume of my phone because my mom suddenly slightly raised her voice. I heard a mixture of anger and concern in my mom's voice.
 

"Mom, No.. It was the best. Everything is doing well.." I genuinely explained to assure her.
 

"Then why are you sounding so broken and sad, baby?" Mom carefully asked, as if she's trying to lighten the conversation because she probably sensed that I am already crying my heart out.
 

"Mom.." I paused, trying to think if it's really the right time to talk about it. "Michelle.."
 

I heard the other line go silent. I waited for a few seconds to check if our line was still connected, but Mom suddenly talked. "Oh.." 

I shut my eyes. "I am just overwhelmed, Mom. Right?" I almost sounded like I was begging for her to agree to me.
 

"Ann.. I.. I don't know, my daughter. I can only listen to you. I know that it's getting difficult again, but you know that I know nothing about her." Mom paused. "I can only assume things, but I don't think you would want to hear them in this moment."
 

"I think I need to hear it from you." I responded. 
 

"Love, I know you're questioning everything now. But you don't have to force yourself. You can take it little by little." 
 

"Mom, please."
 

"Ann, I don't know what you have to hear."
 

"Please tell me that I am not falling for her, Mom. I beg you. This is not how falling in love starts, right?"
 

"Ann," Mom stopped for a while, "It has been three years since you started talking about Michelle to me. All of your stories, they were the best. All good things about her. I can only say what I observed, but you have to do the rest. Are we clear?"
 

"Yes, Mom."
 

"Whenever you talk about her, your eyes are shining. It's like you're traveling back to that moment you shared with her."