Killer Contest (a trolls au)

Sixth Chapter

(Authors' Note: I don't know what kind of law enforcement would investigate a stolen trophy, I assume security agents) 

🎶🎶🎶

Branch looked at the investigators.
"Should we tell them?" He asked the others. The answers came like a torrent.
"No way, they won't believe us."
"Who'd steal a music trophy?"
"I heard it was made by some famous tragic artist."
"I betcha Chef did it as part of some scheme."
"Maybe it's a scheme to get these back." Barb held up the jewelry she still had.
An announcement came on over the hotel PA system.
"Attention lovely contestants." Gristle's voice sounded nervous. "Please report downstairs. The investigators would like to... question you all individually."

Barb looked at Poppy. "Remember, don't say anything until we have more proof."

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The investigators Aspen Heinz and Moxie Dew called different contestants the hotel manager's office and interrogated them one by one. First in was Poppy Monteiro, daughter of Californian senator Pepe Monteiro.

Aspen: Poppy, let's begin.
Describe the night you played within.
Poppy: we preformed and walked about. We ate and drank without a doubt.
Moxie: we've lost some footage from sercurity where were you at 1:03?
Poppy: from ten o clock to two o four is when we heard the bands encore.
Aspen: Miss we've got our doubts. Can you confirm your whereabouts?
Poppy: My alibi is water tight. I'm with my band day and night.
Moxie: Ma'am we know you did the crime.
Poppy: I was outside that whole time. I filmed a cover of rainbow connection.
Both: Thank you Poppy. No more questions.

Next was Barbara Osborne. Daughter of famed rock star Thrash Osborne. Barb walked in wearing an ACAB T-shirt. "Oh great." Aspen grumbled. "Don't worry," said Moxie putting on a fake pig nose 🐽 "I've got this."
Moxie: Barbara you have family pride. Nows the chance to save your hide.
Barb:  Listen dudes, I did not know that it's a crime to steal the show.
Aspen: Tell us how the prize was taken.
Moxie: if you want to save your Bacon.
Rose: I haven't seen your missing art. All I've stolen was audiences hearts.
Aspen: We can give you a plea deal.
Moxie: All you have to do is Squeal.
Barb: I'm not a thief. I don't know how. All I've taken was a bow 🙇.
Moxie: We'll catch the Swine that did the crime...
Barb: Enough with the pig jokes man they're not funny! Go take a hike, that's my suggestion!
Both: Thank you Barbara. No more questions.

Moxie took off his fake nose: "That was fun."
Aspen shook his head. "I don't think your puns are helping the investigation."
Moxie: You know, I think they did it.
Aspen: No they didn't.
Moxie: Yes they did and we can pin it.
Aspen: If they did how did they do it?
Moxie: If they didn't how did they didn't?
Aspen: If they didn't then it's easy they simply didn't do it.
Moxie: If they did it then I knew it but we've nothing that can PROVE IT!!!! He coughed and cleared his throat.

Moxie: Bring in Rosita Madrigal.

Aspen: Do you remember what you did while the guardsman watched his kid?
Rose: I joined my friends on their date. Gristle just met his soulmate.
Moxie: tell me what do you know about the art of John Leo?
Rose: I'm not expert on sculpture. I only study my own culture.

Next came Delta Dawn.

Aspen; the truth Miss Dawn  the clock is ticking.
Delta: Don't believe me, ask my dickins.
Clampers popped up from behind Delta.
Delta: my niece Clampers will cooperate.
Moxie: ma'am can you corroborate?  
Clampers: Rahhhhh!
Delta: Calm down baby. It's a routine inspection.
Both: Thank you Ladies. No more questions.

Outside on the fairgrounds, the masked hooded woman sat on a bench gazing at the hotel 🏨

Moxie: Let's go from the start what do you know about the stolen art?
Conductor: I didn't know there was plan.
Prince D: Your accusation is far out man.
Trollex: The chances of me committing a crime are less than point zero zero nine.
Dickory: ~yelling in German~
Moxie: To help with our investigation, can someone provide a full translation?
Wani: ~yelling in Korean~
(Aspen and Mixie give each other the side eye)
Tresillo: I'm legal by the way.
Chaz: ~Plays a reel on his clarinet~
Biggie: uh... I can do an Elvis impression.
Both: Thank you trollops. No more questions.

Moxie: They didn't.
Aspen: No they didn't.
Moxie: There's no way they did the crime.
Aspen: They couldn't they're too stupid.
Moxie: They're not criminal masterminds.
Aspen we don't know who did it. But we know who didn't do it.
Both: So we know who didn't do it yes we know who didn't DO IT!!!!"

Moxie sighed;
"They incapable of being culpable."
Aspen massaged his temples.
"Come on. Let's go over the footage again."

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While the interrogations went on, bands divided the jewelry among themselves. Barb kept the armband. The Conductor kept the tiara. DJ Trollex took the pin. Prince D took the ring. Delta Dawn took the bracelet. And Rose took the necklace. She held it up, thinking of poor Jupiter Jet dying a gruesome death so young.

Poppy:
"We need more evidence. Something they can't deny."
Branch: "Didn't Gristle say there were cameras all over? Maybe there's video evidence."
Hickory clapped in on the shoulder; "Smart thinking Skippy!"
Branch twitched. That was a weird complement.
"Some us of will have to sneak into the place." Trollex pointed out.
"I can do it." Rose raised her hand.
"My Grandma had me trained in a different fighting style every Summer when we went traveling. Guess it finally pays off."
"Your grandmama was the singer lady right?" Chaz asked her.
"Why yes." Rose blushed "the Great Celestia."
"My grandmother taught me macramé." Branch said.
Some trollops snickered behind him. He turned all anger and snapped "you got a problem with that?!" They quickly shut up.

🎶🎶

Everyone tried to go about as usual. The contest was still on, so they practiced their songs while the investigators questioned the venders.

Branch and Poppy volunteered to watch the door to the security room, waiting for an opening.

"Where is Creek?" Branch asked.
"Meditating. He says it's to channel good bribes throughout the building." Poppy gave a matter-of-fact answer.
Branch scoffed. I don't know why a girl like you would go out with a poser like him. I've met actual gurus who weren't as flamboyant as he is." 
Aw, he's alright," said Poppy, "but you know we have been thinking of trying an open relationship."
"You have?"
"Well, I brought it up, he's been back and forth on it. I think he's nervous about me seeing other men."
"I'll bet." Branch rolled his eyes.
Poppy narrowed her eyes at him.
"What is your problem?"
"You wouldn't understand!"
"Try me!"
He sighed, defeated. 
"Have you ever heard of a boy band called BroZone?"
"Oh yeah! They were really big when we were little. I know all their..." then it it her. She looked Branch up and down. "No..."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
Poppy let out the longest squeal Branch had ever heard. No chance of backing out now.
"We did shows together. Well, I didn't really perform, I just danced with them in stage sometimes. We did birthday parties, talent shows, our moms thought of getting us an agent. Then when I was ten we went one one of those American Star Search shows... Pretty sure you know how that went."
"Oh yeah, I saw the video. Ouch!" Poppy winced in sympathy.
"Yeah. If that was it maybe... but then JD went hiking and never called, Bruce eloped with a girl and never called, Clay went to college and never called, and Floyd was just gone one day!"
Branch stared into the distance as he spoke.
"They never came back. Not when our Moms divorced, not when I started Middle School, not when Grandma had her heart attack..."
Poppy slowly took his hand. He looked ready to cry.
"They didn't even come to her funeral. After that, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sing those vapid cheesy, attention seeking songs."
"Thank you for finally telling me." Poppy said softly. After a moment she told him:
"Junior year of high school, when everyone thought I was taking a semester abroad, I was actually in the hospital with Lupus. I was saved thanks to an experimental treatment. but," she lifted up her shirt so he could see the pale wine stain marks on her torso, "it left me with some weird side effects."
Branch stared at her he never would have guessed she'd been through something like that.
"And for the record" she added, "it was vapid cheesy attention seeking pop songs that got me through it. So don't go bad-talking my music tastes."
Branch let out an involuntary chuckle. "You got it."

Poppy was quite for a whole minute. Then she said something completely unexpected. "Everyone in my family told me how lucky I was. How so many people didn't get the miracle I did. No if I'm not happy, it's like I'm somehow ungrateful."
Branch stroked her hand with his thumb.
"You're not ungrateful."
Poppy hmmmed, then said;
"Want to talk about something else?"
"... Sometimes I think about dying my hair blue."
"You'd look awesome with blue hair! There's a hair stylist in town if you want to do it now."
"Maybe later. After we expose the cult."
"Right right right."

The Interrogation Song (extended addition) is from the movie Muppets Most Wanted.