★~Goth Peter x Y/n {{Female}}~★

《 Chapter 10 》

TRIGGER WARNING:
-mention of Selfharm
-mention of blood

꧁~Peter's POV~꧂
I let out a sigh, and walk into the bathroom to wash my hands. I walk to the sink and put on the water and wash my hands. I then walk out of the bathroom and back into Sarah's room. Sarah was sitting in her bed again. I look on the mattress, and see Y/n is awake.
"Where were you, mister?" Sarah asked while folding her arms. My mind flashs back to what I did. A blush grew on my face. I shake my head, to get it off.
"I fed Rat.." I say. Y/n raised an eyebrow at me.
"It's rude to leave your girlfriend to wake up alone." Sarah said sarcastically, and chuckled with Y/n. I cross my arms and lean against the wall.
"Also, where the fuck are my cigarettes? I don't think they grew legs and ran away." I said annoyed.
"Alright fine, I stole them." Sarah said and pulled them out of her pocket. I walk over to her and snatch them from her. I open the door to her balcony, and get outside. As I light myself one of my cigarettes, Y/n came after me and closed the door.
"Can I take a drag?" She asked, leaving me suprised. I never saw her smoke.
"Since when do you smoke?" I ask confused. Placing my arms on the railing. Y/n walked next to me and leaned against the railing.
"Barely did ever. I once in a while stole some from my mom. I only smoked when I felt the need to." She explained. I got confused. If she only smoked when she needs to, why does she want to smoke now.
"May I ask, why do you feel the need to smoke now? You know you can talk to me, darling." I say and pull her closer. I turn my head to look down on her.
"No, no need to. I just feel like taking a good drag from a cigarette. Come on, you know what I mean." She said and I chuckled. I kiss her on the top of her head, and take a drag from my cigarette. I blew the smoke in her face to annoy her. I smirked at her while I pull a second cigarette out of my pack and hand it to her. I grab my lighter, and lit it for her.
"There you go. But that's all you get. I don't want you to get addicted...Like I am..." I muttered the last part, but she seemed to have understood it. She pat me on my shoulder as we both take a drag.
"But why do you smoke? Has it to do with your parents?" She asked carefully while looking up at me. I let out a sigh, and nod.
"Quite, yeah. But also I just love the feeling of the burn on my throat, and the way the smoke fills my lungs. But also.. maybe selfharm reasons." I explain. Y/n looked at me shocked and upset.
"S-selfharm..?" She muttered out.
"You still do it..?" She asked. I got confused yet again. Why did she ask if I 'still' do it? Does she know?
"What do you mean by still? Did someone tell you?" I ask her a bit suprised. She looked down and nodded.
"When Sarah asked me if it's okay for you to join our sleepover.. she brought it up.. Sorry I didn't tell you.." She answered. I fake a smile at her.
"It's fine." I answered.
I take another drag from my cigarette, and exhale the smoke. And so did Y/n.

꧁~Y/n's POV~꧂
I look up at him. He stared forward. He smiled at me, but it was fake. I knew it. His fake and real smiles are barely different. But you can tell them apart when you got used to them.
"Can I see them?" I ask. Peter looked at me startled by the question. But he just nodded. He put the cigarette into his mouth and pulled off his black arm warmer. He extended his arm towards me to see. I lay my cigarette into the ashtray, and gently take his arm into my hands. I could see multiple x's and lines carved into his arm. Dried blood was keeping them from continuing to bleed. The cut's lead from his wrist up to the part where his arm warmers would end at. And usually, he only wears them in winter. I mean, I barely ever got close enough to him before winter. Except for the fact that he literally bullied and beat me before now. I couldn't have seen cuts if they were underneath his fishnets. But I don't think that there were any. Someone would've noticed, and it would've spread around school. Most definetly.
"It get's worse during winter, doesn't it?" I ask. I look up at Peter who exhaled smoke.
"Yup. I mean, during spring and fall I cut my thighs. But no one notices at school. I don't do it during summer because first, swimming lesson in school, and because second, Cassie takes Sarah and me to the swimming pool often aswell." He explained. I felt like I could cry, seeing how he needed to cut himself to feel better.
"She doesn't know, huh." I ask, gently moving my thumb over the cuts.
"Nope.. I'm scared of her reaction. Sarah asked what she would do if she herself would cut, just so I would get an answer on it. Cassie said she would send her in a psych ward if she would do it. And every once in a while, Cassie checked if Sarah did cut herself or not. After she didn't check up on Sarah's arms or legs anymore, we promised each other we wouldn't tell her if either of us cut's." He explained, while looking down on his arm.
"Well then, I promise I won't either." I said and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He smiled at me. That one was a real smile.
"Thanks, Y/n.. and thanks for letting me vent like this. I can think that you also have a lot of issues, due to your own homelife.. but you still listen to me and my pathetic little problems." He said. It got me even more upset for him. I suddenly hug him out of nowhere.
"Those aren't "pathetic little problems", Peter. First of, they are a part of you. And I think you shouldn't just keep that part to yourself. Especially not if you need help, or atleast someone that listens to you. And I want to be that someone." I explain while still hugging him. He smiled again, and hugged me back.
"Thanks.. again.."

| ⬆️word count: 1132⬆️ |

꧁~| Authors note |~꧂
EUGHHHHHH sorry for so much angst/vent stuff.