$THE BIPOLAR BEAST$

CHAPTER 34* A FEELING THAT YOU CAN'T FIGHT

ERICA'S POV
I almost got knocked down by a guy and that too, a guy who was on the brink of taking advantage of me. Am I seriously still so naive after all these decades? I thought the old Erica was dead but... It still seems like it isn't the case.

Am I still not stable after all these years of ragging, bullying, mocking, people taking me for granted, a family who looks like one on the outer surface but in fact, is nothing but chaos on the inside?

After all this years haven't I learned how to rise up back again? Haven't I learned how to get back on my feet? Haven't I learned that no matter what happens, life still goes on. And as a matter of fact, I am yet to learn that.

Why god? Why only me? Out of all the places, why am I the only one suffering? It's okay, I get that you made me sacrifice my childhood, my teenage hood, my adult life, my family, my happiness, wealth, friends, cousins but all i asked and all I wanted was to just have a peaceful life that included my mom, my mediocre but a stable job, a moment of happiness that I wanted to last forever, perhaps a sweet bf who would live with me through thick and thin and who would absolutely love to spend our old age with me but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Yes, I admit that I am an old-school girl, a vintage & a reserved girl but I can loftily say that at least I am so much better than the other girls who only live for wealth and they don't care about the world nor about humanity. 

What is it that they can do that I can't? Of course, I can't seduce or have a one night stand with men to get my way back up there but this is unfair.

Infact, it's always the girls like me who can do so much better than anyone else can.

I stand a chance too but why does it seem like you don't care about me god? A pang of cheerlessness hit me as I rapped on the door and mom swung open the door. 

"Hi sweetie, what took you so long to come? Met a hottie there?"  She teased  as she enveloped me into a warm-hearted hug that just felt like home to me, a dove soap-cologne hug.

She had the same dainty smile that had been consumed by innocence for as long as I remember.

What would I have done without her? The fact that my life without her sucks even more than it has ever,  makes me want to thrive for more so that at least for once, i can provide her a happy life so that when she enters heaven, a long time to go by the way, she can brag about me to the deity, describing how much of a quite and a gracious kiddo i was.  

"Hey mom, erm you know work. The photoshoot was super duper hectic so didn't even get the time to sit so... pizza maybe?"  I put the bags on the diner while i held back my tears, feigning optimism although i had none at the moment.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that i almost got raped by the man who was going to make my career but instead deceived me.

Her heart was delicate just like her so there was no way i was gonna add more fuel to the fire than it already had been.

A part of me wanted to lie down on her lap and cry but then a part of me also didn't want to hurt her anymore because it hadn't been long since the scandal of mr jade and his fling had been caught without them knowing. So it was better that I divert her mind into something good. 

"Pizza? How did you know that I made pizza for you?"  She mused while she rubbed her glasses for a better vision with the hem of her merchandise tees that had a random thought imprinted on her tees that said, I may be old but i... what was I saying?

Her laugh-a-minute humour was the first thing that attracted the most people, mr jade included but crazy how he cheated on mom.

But somehow it makes sense though, when people can't afford expensive shit they run to cheap things or they just simply don't deserve it and I guess this was the case with us.