J is my nightmare

Mom, please...

"Mom?" Annie's voice shivered with fear.

"What's going on? Don't you dare lie to me!" she threatened with no empathy in her tone while sitting on the bottom staircase of the front yard.

"What do you mean, mom?" She tried playing the scene.

"I'll give you only one chance to explain yourself."

Shit, shit, shit. Annie's panick escalated for seconds as she was trying to think of all possible solutions to the situation. How much did her mom see? Did she know she was gone all night pretending to be asleep?

Did she see J coming in? Or coming out?

"Think you stupid girl, think" Annie thought to herself. Telling her the truth was not an option.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night? Who is J?"

"No one. I don't know anyone with this name." staring at her eyes she lied.

She was a terrible actress. Once not being able to maintain any more eye contact with her mom she knew she was busted.

So many years of so many chances trying to perfect her lying techniques, the stare, the mimics on her face and still to the current day Annie felt that she was collapsing at the first words of lies she tells her mother.

Because deep down she didn't want to lie to her for anything. Deep down she wanted to be able to tell her everything without fearing what would happen afterwards. She wanted her to be friends.

But that day was still not here and she hadn't thought that she'd need to lie again so soon to her.

When she went out to party she was too angry to think of any excuses if her mom caught her. Not to begin with, her mom didn't have any initial suspicions. They fought and she sent her to her room grounded with the thought that Annie will go to bed.

"You can't understand the worries of a mother. But you'll see one day and it'll hit you why I worry about you."

"Mom, please, not that again. What if I don't want to understand?"

Annie knew she had her own bitchiness. She was far from the perfect person or daughter. But what was she supposed to do? To tell the truth? To tell her what she's been up to all night and get grounded for the millionth time? To stay still, not say a word and act guilty as she was?

"Are you going to continue making me upset? Why don't you try to understand me and behave in a different manner? Why don't you make it easier for me, Annie?"

The anger in Annie's veins began to rise. No. Not again this fucking guilt tripping.

"Shut your mouth, Annie. Keep it shut. Keep it shut" Annie repeatedly thought to herself.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night dressed like that?"

Oh fuck. She looked down to see that she was in the same outfit she went out with tonight. And not in her pajamas like she was supposed to be.

"Don't you dare think of lying to me. What'll happen now? Don't you think about me? That I have an important day tomorrow and I need to sleep? Now I'm gonna think all night what has happened to you? What are you up to? What are you so ungrateful for that you behave like that?

"Mom, sorry, please don't act like that. I'll explain it to you."

"You're scaring me."

"Mom, please, there is nothing to be scared of. Nothing happened. I'm fine. See? I'm fine and nothing happened to me." She tried to approach her with several steps.

"Why do you continue to do this to me?"

"Why do you speak to me like that? What have I done to you to hate me so much!" Annie broke down screaming with a cry in her voice. She immediately regretted her choice of words and the slipped emotion but it was too late.

"Wow. Bravo! Bravo! Do you want me to applaud you? Perfect performance. Now the whole neighborhood knows what is going on with us. Do you want me to be ashamed at work tomorrow?"

She thought her heart would stop from the second heart break for the night caused by her mom. Her limbs started to feel heavy and exhausted. She was on the verge of crying but tried to push back those weak tears threatening to burst.

"To be ashamed?" Annie teared. "Is this how you feel about me mom? Are you so ashamed of me? What sins I've committed to be ashamed of me? Huh? Enlighten me please!" She cut off.

"You don't have the right to be acting this way."

"And I thought you're worried about me? Ha. Ha! All you worry about is only your public image. And to think for a second that you started worrying about me. To care about me" She quietly whispered the last words.

"You're grounded."

"Fine by me. Take everything I have. I don't care."

"Watch your words. You can't speak to me like that. You need to learn how to behave and what words come out of your mouth. Do you think the world is going to be so tolerant like I am? No it's not going to be. It's going to crush you if you don't fit. It's going to take all of your dreams."

Annie's body felt like it wasn't hers. So heavy and weary. She only desired to go to sleep. She didn't even care anymore what happened with J. It will be a worry for tomorrow.

She barely had the physical energy to listen to what her mother was lecturing her. She wanted to understand her but sometimes her own demons and thoughts were becoming so overwhelming that she couldn't care less what she was so angry about her this time.

When she approached to go back to the open window in her room her mother grabbed her by the hand and flipped her so they are face to face.

"Let out a breath." her mother ordered.

"Wh..."

"NOW."

She did as she was told and immediately understood that she was caught drinking.

"You're drunk. I can't believe this, oh my god, you're drunk! What am I going to do with you?"

"Mom, I wanna go to sleep, please."

"How am I going to face people tomorrow? Who knows what you've done."

"Seriously mom? Am I that embarrassing as a daughter? How do you even come to think of such things about me? Why don't you ever try to understand and listen to me when I speak to you my mind. My needs. My emotions. Why can't you just be there for me like the rest of the moms I know? Why can't you trust my actions?

"Oh now I'm the one to be blamed for lying to me, drinking and God knows only what else you've already done with boys? Don't come to me one day pregnant and sobbing. Go find a better mom."

"Mom?!!!" Annie screamed with a big uncontrollable sob. "I can't believe... I can't... Oh my god... Why... Mom, please...You're hurting... me so much... please... stop." Sobbed uncontrollably desperate Annie.

"Stop doing that."

"I'm done. I can't, mom. I'm going back to my room." Annie whispered with wet cheeks and a sour taste in her mouth.

That night Annie cried herself to sleep. The next day her mom gave her the usual silent treatment after having such heated fights.

She sent her to her dormitory in the next town where she attended high school with no pocket money and only some pre-cooked meals for the coming week.

Annie didn't call her the whole week, nor her mother.

She went back home for the weekend as she was supposed to do almost every weekend because she was ordered to do so.

Her mother welcomed her at the station as usual with a barely visible smile on her face and gave her the only hug she was going to experience for the weekend.

Sometimes Annie was looking forward to Fridays because it was the only day her mother hugged her.

Sometimes when they had heavy fights like the last weekend she preferred to stay alone and never to be hugged again instead of experiencing for the millionth time the same heartbreak again and again and never getting better.