Open Book Review

The Salvador legacy

Title:

Using this title for your book makes make both fans of vampire diaries to directly put your story for a try. I think it's a nice choice.

Cover:

Good and a simple one. Since it speaks of two men and a girl, I think it reflects it perfectly. However I will ask you to out more colors like purple, blue... Colors that reflects fantasy novels to draw back readers attention.

Author: Sarahkirkwrites

Blurb:

The way you ended your blurb (two salvadors, three hearts and one gets shattered at the end) makes us want to know the whereabouts immediately. Your description is very short and brief amd it's good because must of the time readers are not willing to read too long sentences they prefer they easier way round.

Général commentary:

I have read the first five chapters of your story and from the very first three paragraphs, we can see how careful you were in writing. The punctuation or spelling errors are nearly inexistant and your writing style is very beautiful since you had the courage to break the fourth wall at the 10 paragraphe making us understand you have prepared for this.

From the start, we can have a little glimpse of Selena's life into a home where her parents are always into conflicts and how she flips all problems away with sarcasm and conflict. She speaks of real life circumstances (making us forget that this is only a fictional story) in a very profound way. However, I think you should join some paragraphs. They are many of them and some just made up of little sentences while others are continuation of the previous one and to make what you mean more understandable to readersreaders,  it's better you pile it up as one. Plus, all those paragraphs is just a personal monologue from selena and it won't be a nuisant to the story. (Ps: I'm not asking you to make too long paragraphs. Just the equivalent size)

I observed a shift in Selena's personality in the story too. When she's talking to herself we can see her as a fearless person, but the moment her dad steps it, all sight of it disappears and it shows us how her relationship with her father isn't a good one.

Again, I know we are on Wattpad and everything is cliche but in chapter 4, whe  everyone was speaking of the new students I really felt as to jump that part. Don't misunderstamd me, but I've read a lot of books to guess what characters will say or behave and from the first chapter, you gave me the impression of your story not been anything cliche and then I fall on that. I will advise you to look for a means to make it a little bit original. How exactly? I can't really tell. You wrote that beautiful book alone. You can make it perfect alone too.

Personal note:

I have something important to say. I said above that I read till chapter five because that is normally what I do to review books, but I did extend to chapter 10. Why? Because I felt the need to reach the turning point of the story but I saw none. You spoke in your blurb of Selena discovering many secrets after she meets the brother and I was waiting to read about it. I know you might have put them a little further, but what if you show us a glimpse of it? I mean show us something that links with your blurb. Please understand that the reason why us readers has chosen your story among thousand is because while reading the description, we saw something that puke our interest. And reaching to that number of chapter and not seeing things that were promised to us will only make us to drop the story. Yes she moved from the neighborhood and yes she met Jameson, but what I mean is when you know there will be the disparition or the death of a character, include it your bourb. If there will be characters falling in love say it, heartbreak say it and if there are going to be changes in our protagonist life that brings her world to collide with that of rye Salvador brothers as she tries to build herself back while they are leading her to place filled with secrets say it. Your story should follow your blurb.

If maybe you think your blurb is perfect the way it is (and I assure you yours is) then shape your story according to it. No need to keep all good things for the end, it is the beginning that will determine if your readers will continue the journey with you or not. I don't know if you get it, I don't want to be mean I'm just saying your story got potential, but don't turn around with us. You made us promise therefore show them to us.

Conclusion:

Apart from the little emphasis I made above, I can assure any other third party reading this now that the book is a nice one. For you who like to dive into a world of sarcastic girls, hot boys who smirks, say jokes and are able to make a girl melt just by brushing their hair with their fingers, then this is for you. But for those who like horror, mystery, suspense and are head set in having their life played in a fantasy way, this also for you.