Title:
The title reflects the description of your story you put in your blurb, so this is a good one.
Author: CherverLarkville
Cover:
You did a good job on that cover, but I think there is still that thing lacking. That thing that will make someone to not think twice before clicking on read button. You speak of a world shattered by tragedy, then reflects it on your cover. Maybe with an image of someone representing sheira sobbing or image of someone looking as if she was about to fight the battle of her life.
Blurb:
Among everything I have read, this is the best blurb ever actually. There is everything I needed to convince me in reading your book. There is suspense, chill, anxiousness and beauty in writing. To be sincere, I have nothing to add.
Generality:
"I promise I will protect her" "Thank you"
Okay once again you wanted to show the purpose of your title. It proves your story is based on a promise made and ways how to stick to it which is good. You also, in very poetic way hit us directly to Sheira grief of the loss of her parents which can only strengthen out bound for the character. But you have a problem with the way your characters interact. Instead of writing;
Yuri: "Because you're still so young... " why not write: "You're still so young, Shera," Yuri told me. "I didn't want you to face any difficulty, " he continued and his gentilness and kindness overflowed in my heart. What I mean is no need to say Shaira: Yuri: just write what they said and inform us it was them that said it later. And also you need to use pronounce like she, him, they or boy, young girl, old man. Putting the characters name or title like soldier all the time is make less fluent and cool.
Also, you like to inform the reader of changes in scenes with things like (outside the walls) (before the attack) etc. That shouldn't be done. Instead, you need to make us understand there is change of environmental using words such as:
"Attack! " I told Roger before I looked around. Outside the walls, it was impossible to see the enemies due to the thick fog.
And don't use words like Chommp just tell us what happened: the Heian catches the soldier and finish him of by sliding his throat and in a second his eyes goes up as he passed away.
To sum up, your story is a good one. But you need to really take time an edit it if you want it to look professional. Since it is still on going, take time in writing your following chapters, read it again before publishing and it will be okay.
