Synchronised Motion (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 21

Race day...

Nationals is finally here.

The day all these days have been building up too has arrived.

And it's weird, the day you've been working towards for months finally being. The moment you have thought too long about—devoted too much time, all for this. So much time building up to a race that last mere minutes.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I divert my eyes from the pool, the glistening water taunting me, making my stomach flip. Instead I try focusing on steady breathing and run my sweaty hands against my pants.

All these moments have been working up to this. This one big moment. And I hate that, because it puts pressure on the moment. Builds up this moment to a make it or break moment. Making all these before moments rely on this one outcome to see if it was worth it. If it was worth the hours. Worth the stress. Worth the early mornings. Worth the blood, sweat, tears.

Was it worth it?

It better fucking be worth it, I decide, refusing to believe any other outcome. Otherwise I've put myself through all this shit for what?

But when I really start to think about it, what makes it worth it? The win? The medal around the neck? Because if thats so, a lot of people are not going to be happy. Because there's only one gold at the end of the day.

One winner.

So what about all the others? The people we don't remember who walk away empty handed. Do they think it's worth it? Is the ride better then the reward? 

But what about all those days, all those times, we kept on working, kept on pushing in hopes of obtaining that victory so few reach. Was that all empty promises?

I run a heavy hand through my hair, god, this feels fucked. Like entering are game with your emotions, and the odds are not in your favour. I put head in hands, my stomach in knots, chest feeling tight. I wish I was better at dealer with the pressure, I wish I was calmer, like Oliver.

Oliver looks calm, calm and dressed up in our universities gear along with the rest of the team. There's a a lot of teams here actually, each walking with their heads high feeling that pride. Confidence and intimidation radius from people, smiles no where to be seen. There's a palpable tension in the air. The before high roof indoor pool only adds to the air of nobility of the place and the people here.

I'm here feeling like I'm suffocating with the stress, while Oliver seems to be the only one smiling and relaxed. How is it that some people are so calm and collected when in stressful situations?

Can't relate.

God I just hate this feeling. My stomachs doing back flips and I'm not here for it. Want this to be over. Tired of the nerves.

Coach must see I'm not looking too great, and slaps my back telling me to get ready for my races. Tells the team to get their game faces on. Tells me to leave it all on the water and he'll be proud. That makes me stand taller.

***

First race, stretching muscles at the line up. I feel weak and strong all at the same time. Limbs a little jelly. Mind muddles but focused. Body jittery but calm. Can you be two things at once? Cause it think I am.

We are called to take stand on the diving board. Crouches down. I let the crowds noise deafen out. White noise. The entirety of my focus on the water before me. so focused on it, that nobody on the outside could distract me or disrupt my concentration.