Shadows of the Shifter

Chapter 3- Shitty Fridays

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"I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare."

~Ned Vizzini

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Hunter Magnus POV

"You'll be alpha soon! You need to look for a mate to rule by your side when the struggles of leading a pack come forth," my mother nagged on in a desperate tone. The weight of her words pressed against my chest, a painful reminder of the expectations I couldn't escape. I sighed, fully aware of how this conversation would unfold. I looked up from my essay papers, the inked words blurring as my vision clouded with a weariness that seemed to seep into my very soul.

"Mom, it's not like I can just drop out of college and go searching for a girl. It was hard enough to get accepted into this college. I know I'll be alpha soon, but you can't rush nature, and sure as hell can't rush me," I sighed, the edges of my voice tinged with a weary acceptance. I'm twenty-four and still haven't found one to call my own. The last girlfriend I had was Summer, back in fifth grade. My life is a constant struggle between my mom and my social life as a mateless adult.

I worked tirelessly to get into college close by, fearing abandoning my mother. I feel pathetic, undeserving of her or the loan I'm struggling to pay back. Working part-time, my pay is meager, a painful reminder of the inadequacy I feel in meeting the expectations placed upon me.

Despite being part of the alpha bloodline, money isn't an issue, but I refuse to take anything more from my mom. She has already lost so much over the decade, and my alpha status shouldn't add to that burden. I'm a grown man, and I can't depend on my mom for everything.

I don't deserve it.

"I am not trying to rush nature. I just want you to be happy. You're the only one in your training and friend groups who hasn't found a mate," she said, her teary eyes a pitiful sight. I put down my papers and hugged her tightly, feeling the weight of her desperation like an anchor dragging me down into a sea of hopelessness.

"Mom, I will not leave to find something I don't even think is out there. I love you too much to leave. If she is out there, we will find our way to each other, but until then, I will try to finish school and try to make something of my life. Don't worry; I won't die alone." The words felt like a hollow promise, echoing the emptiness that lingered within me. I was lying to her, the best kind of liar there is. The kind that will lie for others but never dilute themselves of the truth, the truth being that no one will love me.

My mother loves me because she has to; she can't even love herself.

"I love you too--, so much, Hunter. But I still want you to be happy," she choked, holding back a sob I knew was coming. I waited for her to cry and beg me to leave her, then beg me to stay and never leave her side.

Then it began. The tears, the sobbing, the begging, the heartbreak, losing my father, the fear of losing me, the fear of me not finding a mate in time for whatever time that is.

Her sobs shook me to my core, not as if I hadn't heard her assault on my ears before, no, this deep resentment formed around me due to my lack of ability to care. I loved her with all my heart as any son would, but her cries fell on deaf ears, meaningless. A hollow cry that no one but herself could comprehend.