Sandali lamang ako nagbihis. I didn't want him to think I was preparing for our evening dinner.
I wore my normal pambahay clothes. Isang puting tube top at shorts. I figured it was too skimpy pero ito naman talaga ang sinusuot ko. Now...I didn't want him to think of anything.
Should I change into a dress again?
In the end, ito na lang talaga. Wala akong pakiealam sa kung ano ang iisipin niya dahil ito naman na talaga ang standard ko. He needs to deal with it. Or...I needed myself to think that he needs to deal with it.
I groaned inwardly.
Dahil ayoko nang pag-intayin pa siya, mabilisang blush at tint lamang para hindi naman ako mukhang pagod na pagod ay bumaba na ako.
Descending the stairs and in the middle of tying my hair up, namataan ko si Dante na prenteng nakaupo sa sofa at nakaharap sa flat screen.
Lumingon ito kaagad sa akin at nagtagal ang titig. Binasa ko ang pang-ibabang labi at tumingin sa kung saan-saan. Halos mabubuwal ata ako sa kinatatayuan, standing so dumb!
"Tapos ka na?"
"Uh-huh."
"Come on, then. Let's eat..."
He then turned to the TV once more, turned it off and swiftly walked back to the kitchen without another look.
Pinisil-pisil ko ang palad gamit ang mga daliri.
Why was I always like this? Every time he'd come home, I was always like this. I turn into a gooey mess.
Nasa akin ba ang problema? O baka naman nasa kaniya?
As far as I can remember, this feeling I had for him never changed. His presence was too authoritative for my liking. Too demanding. Too rough. Noong highschool pa ako at kahit college ay nagka-crushes naman ako pero hindi mga ganitong tipo.
Guwapo ang asawa ko. But that word did not even do him justice. It felt like the word handsome was too shallow. He had this deep-set eyes that would eat you up alive and when he'd frown at you, you know you fucked up real bad. It's both a blessing and a cursed to be looked at by him. Addicting but frightening.
Hindi ko tuluyang ma-explain kahit anong gawin ko...though there was a time I got so close deciphering it. Ngayon, it felt like I was back to zero.
Bumuntong-hininga ako ngunit ibinalik ko lang ulit nang magtungong dining room. Mukhang hindi ko na ulit iyon mabibitawan pa.
"How was your day?" Dante asked cooly, in the middle of putting vegetables on my plate.
Nagluto siya ng pan-seared steak at ilang gulay. Natatakam na ako kanina pa pero hindi ko ipinahalata iyon.
"Hmm. Fine. Konti lang ang customers today..."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I-It's fine though. Hindi naman ako masyadong napagod." I paused. "Ikaw? Ku...musta?"
Gawain namin itong conversation na ito kapag nakauwi na siya. Parang catch-up kasi bihira lang naman kami magkita. Just to at least incorporate our lives to each other, I think. At least on my part, I was really interested on what he did the past month.
Ewan ko sa kaniya pagdating sa akin.
Either way, it might be this routine that kept us both sane in our marriage.
"Lots of meetings here and there. Then I met this one foreign investor in Denmark..."
Kahit na hindi ko naman alam ang pinagsasasabi niya about business ay nakinig akong mabuti. Some things I grasped was that foreign investor was half-Filipino kaya mukhang okay.
