Caraphernelia

Four

I wondered around the derelict park with my hands tucked into the baggy blue jeans I was wearing. The white and black striped top hid my scars, and further wristbands covered them up.

I couldn't stop thinking about that girl.. she had seen, I was certain. Normal people would just stay away from me, they'd think I was a freak, a monster.

But this girl; she was different and, wierdly, I felt myself able to trust her. Which was unbelievably stupid, because I can't trust anyone, not even Mike and m8 parents.

The reason I wouldn't talk to Mike is because I was just trying to protect him; he didn't need to know. If he did then he would just run away, judge me like everyone else I've opened up to.

He said he would never do that, but I could detect uncertainty in his voice. My brother wasn't strong enough to handle it.

So, this girl, what was her name? I remembered mum asking about her when I first saw her.. Scout, wasn't it? That was a nice name. My lips tugged into what I hoped resembled a smile, but what actually probably looked like someone had pulled the corners of my lips up. I stopped immediately.

My battered sneakers kicked at the stones and rubble on the ground, occasional tufts of greyish grass poking up. Looking up, I turned around and saw two figures and my heart plummeted.

'VIC? VIC! VIC, WHERE ARE YOU?' They were shouting, though I could barely hear them. 'Shit, its mum and Mike!' I whispered to myself. Rubbing my arm, I tried to run to the hedge at the side of the area to hide in. Still they wondered closer.

I could hear what they were saying more clearly now, and it was then I realised I was quite exposed in the dull wiry mess of the hedge. Feeling panicked, I scanned the area around me and spotted a large tree with - somehow - a lot of leaves still intact.

It was either take a chance on the tree and risk getting caught, or stay behind the hedge and risk getting caught. I thought for a moment before deciding that I may as well do it in style and started to climbed the tree as quick as I could.

I got into the leafy canopy surprisingly quick, and found myself surrounded by soft yellow sunlight. 'A million branches and she loves every one..' That was going into my sketchbook.

I riffled through it, the words 'What's so good about picking up the pieces? What if I don't even want to?' hit me. I remembered writing that after the one session I had with a therapist. She had been blathering on about how good it was to 'pick up all the little pieces'. I screamed that in her face and stormed out. Mum never sent me there again.

I guess I must've wrote it down by the time they'd passed, because when I looked again I found they were nowhere in sight. Even so, I decided to stay in the tree a little bit longer. It was quite nice.

I kinda lost track of time, because when I looked up again the sky was darker (not dark - darker) than before and there was a slight chill in the breeze, more forceful than before. I put away my book and let my mine wander.

I thought about many things, about words and life and scars and.. and Scout. What was it about her that made me want to open up, to get better even? No-one had ever made me feel like that ever, but I knew I had to see her again. I wanted to.

And, of course it was just as I was getting comfy so my tree that mum and Mike decided to wall past again. My leg was dangling out. My arm was hanging out. They would see me. I just about managed to stay hidden until they passed and then decided to crash somewhere.

There was a nice looking house on the other side of the park.. 'Good enough.' I thought and hopped out of the tree. Scurrying across the stony ground, I then jumped over the fence expertly and walked around to the front door.

Clearing my throat, I knocked on the door. The breath I had was knocked out of me by who opened the door. 'Uhh..' Scout said, her eyes wide. 'I need somewhere to crash..' I started. 'Do you, do you mind?' She just stood there. I was convinced she was just going to slam the door in my face.

But no, miraculously, she moved aside. It was then my turn to stand like an idiot. I had been so used to people just slamming their door in my face that I hadn't prepared myself for what would actually happen if they said yes. It occurred to me I should probably walk in, so I forced my feet to cross the threshold.

'Scout Hetsford.' She said quietly. 'I know.' I said before I could stop myself. She looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted an extra head out of my stomach. Shit! What the fuck Vic?!? 'Oh, err - Mike sometimes talks about you.' Wow, great cover up Vic. Sarcasm.

'You're Mike's brother?' She asked and I noticed her eyes flicked down to my wrist. Subtly, I tried to cover them up. 'Uh, yeah. I guess. Vic.' She smiled slightly. 'Hey. I've um, heard a bit about you. Kinda.' To that I hadn't widened my eyes. Mike swore he wouldn't talk about me!

'Oh, err - ahm well I kind of overheard a conversation - totally accidentally and I heard them talking about you and-' My heart plummeted and my insides grew cold. 'So you know then.' I said, cutting her off. 'What?' We both felt as awkward as each other.

'You saw my scars and you know that I went missing and you know I've just got out of hospital.' This came out angrier than I had expected, and I felt bad immediately, because Scout looked down and her eyes began to water.

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -.' She ran out of the room and up the stairs, calling to me, 'You can sleep on the couch.' Considering calling after her, I quickly dismissed the idea and just stood there.

I felt so bad about myself, I almost wanted to.. no. I wouldn't. I didn't need any more scars. Instead I curled up on Scout's comfy sofa, wrapped up in the blanket and wrote. I wrote for most of the night, and then I fell asleep.

Waking up to someone's glaring face was something I was familiar with, but when my eyes opened to see Scout's reddish brown orbs gazing at me it was something different. I jumped and she leapt back.

'Aah, umm - oh God I'm really sorry!' She stumbled.

Protesting against that, I then led onto apologizing for last night. 'I didn't mean to be such a dick, its just that..' I trailed off. She smiled. It was quite a nice smile. 'It's fine, I get it.' Sighing happily, I then adjusted my clothes and walked down the hall.

'I should probably be going.' I stated. 'Well.. where are you going?' Scout asked. My mind suddenly went blank. 'Go home, Vic please. Mike's really worried about you.' She looked at me with her eyes, they were pleading me, and I couldn't handle that. 'O-okay.' She smiled and showed me out. 'I'll maybe see you round?' She asked.

'Err, maybe.' I smiled slightly and headed off.

~~~~~~~~SCOUT'S POV~~~~~~~~

I closed the door and leant against it. Oh. My. God. Of all the places he could've gone.. it was my house. My house. Now this had happened; I knew I had to fix him even more now. Although he had smiled, I could still see his self-inflicted pain so evident in the rough brown of his eyes. He still looked so broken, and I couldn't stand it.

As I walked back into the kitchen, I wondered if I should tell Mike anything. I didn't think I should. Or maybe I should be open with him. But then again, I really didn't think that would be the best thing to do.

Oh man.. I'd just have to pretend nothing happened and play it cool.

It was torture the next day at school. As most of my friends know, I'm terrible at keeping secrets - though they still tell me. I sat beside Mike at lunch and I could see he was relieved but still worried about something. Or someone.

I squirmed in my seat for the 40 minutes and it felt like everyone's eyes were on me. 'Ahm, bye guys I have to go do.. homework. Bye!'

Leaving no time for them to reply, I took off to the IT room; where I found something I was not expecting at all.

I climbed the stairs trying to calm my frantic heartbeat and pushed open the blue door. Someone stood in there wearing a grey beanie and a dull green jacket. The white and black sleeves of their shirt poked out and slotted into a pair of jeans. They turned around. 'Vic?'