"Love you like an Alcoholic" a Johnnie guilbert x reader.

No pressure

(TW SELF HARM) EVERYONE IS STILL IN THE POOL and laughing, having fun (obviously.) Then all of the sudden I'm suddenly snapped back into reality. I'm in a bathing suit, my body is showing. That means, my body is fucking showing. Shit shit shit. How could I forget? Should I tell Tara? No she'll think I'm disgusting or something. Especially my scars. I hate this feeling. This fucking feeling. I need inside of that house, now. I swim to the edge of the pool. God I don't want to get up I'll just be more...more. Fuck it. I put my arms up to the edge and use my strength to pull my self up successfully. I see Tara look at me. I'm pretty sure she saw my arms. Maybe my legs? I hope not, I need to go somewhere, but I'm not sure where yet.

    I grab a towel and cover myself up. I walk to the door and open it, stepping in. It's a clear sliding door so I still see everyone, including Tara. She has a worried expression on her face. Did she see my scars, or is it my disgusting body? I would judge me too. Hell, I am right now aren't I? I head to the bathroom as I think. I open the door and immediately close it. Wait...is that a razor. It's a shaving razor of course, but...I know how to get it out. Fuck fuck fuck...not again I can't, I just can't, I just can't, I just can. I go to the living room and get and pencil and Immediately go back to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it. I shove the pencil into the razor until one razor pops out. I grab it off the floor and just stare, blankly.

   Why can't I be like everyone else? Why do I have these thoughts, feelings, and actions. Why is the only word in my head right now, beside cut. And that I do. I take the razor to my wrist and push deeply then I swipe it across my wrist like a card. I wince at the pain, seeing the blood drip from the deep cut down to my arm, then to the floor causing something . Tears, lots and lots. How did it get to this? How did I get to this? Was i just born like this? I jump, nocking on the door, fuck not now! I hear a familiar voice in a soft tone. Tara."Y/N is everything ok?" She ask, what do I say?? do I unlock the door? What do I do? "Do you wanna get anything off your chest, I'm here. No pressure though, take ur time." She ask in a sweet caring voice. Then I just set the razor on the sink and open the door. Tara's shocked face sends me into tears.

   She runs up to me and brings me into a warm embrace. She says, "Please...Y/N don't cut your skin it's too beautiful..." I flinch at her words, "Im sorry..." I mumble in-between tears. "Oh y/n...y/n. It's okay it's not your fault." Isn't it though? She lets go still having her hands on my shoulder. She glances around the room, she sees the blood on the floor,  the broken razor, and the bloodied razor on the sink. "Let me get you something to clean ur self up." She says softly having a sweet smile. She look in the cupboard behind the mirror. She finds some ointment and a few bandages. She softly grabs my arm and slightly twist it towards the cut. She grabs some toilet paper and puts it on their for a few seconds until the bleeding isn't as bad. She grabs some ointment and puts some on the cut then puts a bandage on it. I slightly flinch as she does it but Im, very great full for her.

I smile at her wiping the tears off of my face. She smiles back at me and I give her one last embrace of the moment. "Thank you, so much. I'm sorry I caused all this. I'll talk about all this later." I whisper. "Your welcome y/n Im glad you let me help." She responds. I let go of the embrace and look at the razor and the blood on the floor. I grab some toilet paper and wipe it off the ground as Tara grabs the razor and throws it in the trash. "Thanks Tara, really." I say smiling at her. "Your welcome Y/N." She responds smiling at me. We both walk out the bathroom and sit on the couch. I grab my bag and put back on my cover shirt. "Tara you can go out there, I might go out. I don't know though." I tell her. "Are you sure, I don't wanna feel like a bitch." She responded. "Yeah, of course girl. I want you to have fun. Not to worry about me." I answer slightly laughing. "Ok Y/N just Text me if you need to." She says smiling at me brightly. She gets up from the couch, hugs me, then walks out. I slightly laugh as she walks out and turn on the TV.
🤍🤍🤍
(907 words) This is a makeup for the last chapter🤭🤭
I have plans for you and Johnnie In the next chapter ooooooo🫢
i hope i redeemed myself🙏🙏