✘ : 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐥. 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 : ➞

07

. . (𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢)
by saliva path . .

—

MY HEART IS pounding out of my chest. At this rate, I'm sure I'm about to have a heart attack.

Spider and Kiri came inside from hiding a little while ago. Kiri and Lo'ak are talking, waiting for Spider and I.

"Here," Spider says, "put this on."

He hands me a glass mask. I take it, testing the weight in my palm. I'd seen the masks before, but I never touched them. I never had a need to, until now.

"You know how to use it, right?" He asks, placing a mask of his own around his face. He suctions in, taking a breath as he did.

"Oh," I say looking back to it, "um, no?"

He blinks. "Oh. Right," he clears his throat, "let me show you." Spider takes the mask out of my hands, placing it on my face. I stand awkwardly, cringing as the cold metal touched my skin.

He presses the suction at the bottom of the mask, and I take a gasp of air. I breathe it in like it's a four course meal and I am a starving barbarian because this is the first fresher air I have breathed my whole life.

"There," Spider says, taking a sheepish step away from me. I nod my head in a thank you, letting my hand hook around my forearm as I do.

Spider and I were always a little awkward with each-other, nowadays. Growing up in the lab and him in the outside world of Pandora, it never really gave us a chance to bond like I expected other siblings would.

I always felt as if Spider's real siblings were the Sully kids, and I was just.. there. I'm not sure who to blame for that; Maybe Spider, who never tried to form much of a relationship with me other than living in the same quarters—when he's not out at the Na'vi base, that is, which seems to be all the time.

Maybe I could blame the Sully kids, who robbed me of a brother and stole his love and respect from me to cherish for their own. Spider is more of a Sully brother than my brother.

Maybe I could blame Norm and Max, who kept me trapped in this lab and never gave me a chance to properly form friendships or a relationship with my own blood.

Maybe I could blame myself for not trying hard enough, but then again, if I used that logic on myself, all of my problems would be on me, and holding the weight of that on my back simply wouldn't do.

I don't have anyone to rely on if I fall off the side. I only have myself to put my trust in. Everyone in my life are either liars or uninterested.

So why aren't you, Lo'ak? Don't think I don't see you staring. But why?

"Esme?" says Spider, "are you still with me?"

"Huh?"

I realize I had spaced out. I noticed that this has been happening often—its as if my mind gets fuzzy, and I can't comprehend anyone around me. I get intrusive thoughts about my life and my feelings that I don't want to think about. Or, atleast, I think I don't want to think about.

"Oh," I whisper, "yeah. Sorry."

"Are we leaving or what?" Lo'ak says from the door. I look up to see them both waiting with their arms crossed and tails swishing almost in sync.