✘ : 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐥. 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 : ➞

09

𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧,
𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙙.

—

WE RODE FOR hours.

I don't know how long, but long enough for the sun to begin rising.

The view ahead of me is something beyond what my eyes have ever laid upon.

The sky is a beautiful array of pink and orange and red, all mixing to a perfect hue beyond the sky-line. I don't know how long I've been staring at it but I'm not sure I ever want to take my eyes off of it.

I only do when the sun begins to gleam across the sea, making my eyes squint until I am forced to look away.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Lo'ak says from behind me. All I can do is nod—I feel pretty awkward with how close our bodies are, but I know he means no malicious harm so I try to relax.

"Pretty cool is an understatement." I say, "this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life." I breathe, barely able to find the words.

I pinch my wrist to make sure it is really real—I'd been pinching the same part of my skin for the past few hours to make sure everything I've been seeing is in fact true to life, and it has turned into a red-purple bruise.

"Do you wanna head back? It's almost dawn." He asks.

My smile drops. Despite the fact I know we should be heading back, I don't want to. I never want to go back to my old life in the lab after seeing what I have seen tonight.

"Yeah. I guess." I say over the whipping wind that is making my eyes water. He nods.

A guttural cry flows easily out of his throat as he bellows toward Kiri and Spider, cocking his head below us to gesture for them to follow us back to ground.

I still will never get used to the rush in my chest as the Ikran's speed increases, hurdling is toward the ground.

I am sure my heart is a second from pounding out of my chest as the ground becomes larger, and larger and I am sure we are about to hit it, adrenaline pulsing through my flames as my eyes shut in fear, ready for the impact about to come—

But it doesn't.

The rush of wind that almost makes me yelp from the utter force of it makes my heart stop beating for a rough second.

And then, nothing. Until a light chuckle is audible behind me.

"Did I scare you?" Lo'ak snarks. I slowly turn my head to look at him, giving him a harsh glare. His jaw tightens as he sees my face, before clearing his throat and jumping off the Ikran.

With a sigh, I follow behind him, the height of the jump making my ankles ache and a wince out of my throat. I hear the flap of wind as Kiri lands her Ikran next to us, as well as the thud coming from her and Spider's feet.

"You should go back now," Spider says, "Norm and Max should be getting up soon."

I look up. "You?" I question, "you're not coming with me?" I say while wiping my knees of dirt.

Spider sputters, looking between Kiri and Lo'ak, "I think I'm gonna stay out for a while longer. I'll come back soon."

My nose twitches, "you haven't been home in five days, Spider." I stand fully now, "when is soon? Because you say that every-time, yet soon always seems to stretch on a little while longer."

Spider takes a step toward me, and lowers his voice, "do we really have to have this conversation now?" He says, "here?"

I take a moment to respond. Truth is, I sound angry now, but really, I just miss my brother. I want him home—and so does Norm and Max.

Despite knowing the answer, I say—"can you just.. come home? Please?"

Spider says silent. He gnaws on his lip, "I will. Soon. Okay?"

I inhale. I should've expected his answer—I did already know his answer, yet it still hits my heart with the familiar tang of pain I feel every-time he does this.

"Fine." I say, "I should've known."

I spin on my heel, turning away before Spider grabs my wrist.

"Wait, are you.. mad?" He asks. The genuine confusion on his face only fuels my anger. Then, I explode.

"Yes, I am mad, Spider!" I exclaim, taking my wrist out of his grasp. "You haven't been home in nearly a week. Norm and Max are worried—they miss you, Spider, and so do I.

"You're too swept up in a world you don't belong in to realise that."

Spider furrows his brows, "Esme, this whole night you've been.. mesmerized, right?"

Stiffly, I nod. I can't lie that the world of Pandora has tranced me.

"Now you can understand why I'm always out here. Here," he gestures to the forest, "I am free, and I am respected. I get to do whatever I want, and no one's here to give me shit for it."

"Yes, and I get that," I breathe, "but could it hurt to visit your family at-least once in a while?"

At this, he tears his gaze away in shame. He looks to the ground, not having any words.

"Oh right," I scoff, "I forgot. You're real family is right behind you, right? Never mind the sister you abandoned so you could selfishly do whatever you want and not get shit for it." I take a breath, "Right?"

When Spider doesn't respond, I repeat my word. "Right?!"

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Esme." He sighs, "I just.. I don't— I don't know. I don't have a response for that. But I'm sorry."

"Bullshit." I spit. He seems to flinch at the harshness of my tone, and I do not feel bad for it.

"You're not my brother." I say. To this, he looks up, hurt in his eyes yet I do not feel nothing besides white, fiery anger. "You're theirs."

I cock my head toward the two Na'vi who awkwardly stand behind us. They look to each other, debating if they should step in but I give them both a look that tells them that this isn't their fight to intrude on.

"So go." I say. Spider looks in-between us. The fact that he could even debate not choosing me—his sister—makes me want to sob until I am crying my own blood of the lack of tears from crying so long.

"Go!" I bellow, pushing his chest with all my force yet it only pushes him back enough to be able to catch himself on his foot. "Just get out of here!"

Now, Lo'ak speaks. "Cmon, bro." He says, gently grabbing his shoulder, "let's just go."

Spider allows himself to be moved, keeping his eyes on me until he reaches the Ikran that is Lo'ak's and he sheepishly looks away.

I wait until the flap of their wings fade. And then,

I break into a million pieces.