Past to Present

Chapter 3: The Wall

"Then, if you know I can't do this without you, why do you keep rejecting me?"

Freen miraculously managed to look both desperate and defiant in the same instance, which was a perfect mirror to both her own shattered sense of self, as well as Becky's shattered heart.

As much as Becky fought against it, they both still knew that she was a sucker for Freen. However, they were both also painfully aware that Freen was, at the same time, utterly addicted to Becky.

"It's you that keeps rejecting me, Freen! You reject me every time you reject your sense of commitment to me and run off to lose yourself in some other woman's arms, because it's just easier.

"The anonymity is easier than an honest promise of yourself. You've become so good at rejecting others and drowning in your own family name as it suits you, that it has spilled over into all other facets of your life.

"You can't promise yourself to me because you don't even know who you are..." Becky, in a pained voice and hurt expression, proved that her maturity far exceeded Freen's.

Becky's words lodged themselves into the back of Freen's mind in order to torture her subconsciously. Freen had become so used to the constant flow of pain that the mere thought of Becky caused her pain. So much so that she had started feeding off of that pain as if she needed it to stay alive.

"Then, if this is really just a struggle between me and my family name, help me fight it!"

Freen pleaded hopefully, stepping closer to stand before her lover, despite the circumstances that dictated that Becky was not her beloved anymore.

"But it's not, Freen. It may have started out as just that, and god knows I tried to help you back then, but it's spun out of control."

Becky wiped away a stray tear as memories of happier times flashed through her mind, memories of how she was still able to lift Freen from the recesses of depression after she had begun her training and grooming as the heir to the metaphorical Chankimha throne.

"When are you going to realise that I can't save you? When are you going to realise that it's you that needs to save yourself? You have to make that decision yourself."

Freen lowered her gaze thoughtfully, stubbornly fighting Becky's words as she mulled over them in her head, but soon she snapped her head back into place. Clearly the acknowledgement of her inner turmoil lost out to the pertinence of her desire, because indeed sex was just simply easier than introspection.

"What if I step up right now? Would you let me?"

Freen's stormy brown eyes were soon again gleaming at Becky with an otherworldly quality to them, which made the younger woman swallow uncomfortably. Freen slowly stepped closer, her movements cat-like in nature, as if zoning in for the kill.

"Freen...don't. That's not what I meant..."

Becky was exhausted from keeping her guard up around the raven beauty, and on nights like these when Freen was at her most determined, Becky never stood a chance. All she could do was to resort to pleading.

"Then..." Freen needed only another two steps to come to stand before the younger woman, and another two to have the smaller female's back against the wall.

"What DO you mean, Becky?"

Freen's tone was rough, her stare unnerving, and Becky was completely unarmed by the time Freen reached for her wrists.

"Because I..." Freen started as she lifted one of Becky's wrists above her head, soon followed by the other as she continued, "Am sick and tired of trying to figure this out!"

With Becky now fully pinned against the wall, Freen shifted and leaned her weight onto the smaller woman to add to the pressure that Becky was actually finding to be ridiculously tantalizing.

"Why must it be so hard," Freen's voice became deep and ragged as Becky could feel the heat emanating from Freen herself, "when I only want one...simple...thing...?"