Chapter 19

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***MAKE SURE TO READ CHAPTER 18 AND THE NOTE AT THE TOP!***

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After a long hour of arguing over what movie we should watch, we decided it was best just to go and sleep, but I let my intrusive thoughts win and slapped Izan's head before he could move from his chair. 

He stared at me for quite a while.

He was probably planning where he should bury my body.

After what felt like an eternity, he sighed and just drank his drink. I was off the hook for now.

 After that, we went to our rooms at eleven, and I kept tossing around until three in the morning.

I got thirsty, so eventually, I got up, annoyed at my very awake body but sleepy mind, and walked to the kitchen. I searched for a cup but realized that every freaking cup was placed in the top cabinet. So that was his revenge for the slap. Pretty clever, but I was cleverer.

I feel like I just invented this word.

Problems of multilinguals.

You're mentally asleep, so why can't you shut your dang eyes, Verena?

Should I rewatch Criminal Minds?

Or paint my nails?

With what? Ketchup?

Why did I forget to buy new nail polish?

I should just read a book.

I stood on a chair and grabbed a cup. "Yes, a book sounds good," I decided after drinking two cups of water, washing it, and placing it on the counter.

"But I only bought classics. I guess I will reread Pride and Prejudice. Such a good book," I said to myself all the way until I reached my room door.

"Mr. Darcy is hot, but Izan was hotter," I commented to no one in particular, and as I was about to enter my room, I heard something coming from Izan's room.

Please don't be a hooker or worse... a ghost.

I walked closer to his room and put my ear to the door to try and hear something. 

What I heard broke my heart.

"No, por favor!" he yelled desperately. I cracked the door open very gently, and my eyes landed on Izan's sleeping body.

"Don't touch me... Please..." He was literally crying in his sleep. 

I walked closer.

"Don't! Papa, help me, ayúdame... No, it hurts." My heart contracted, and my stomach turned with anxiety and fear. I grabbed his hand and ran my finger on his knuckles, fearing what might have happened to him.

"I don't like that. Let me go, sir!" It was enough. He was going to hurt himself.

"Izan," I gently whispered, but he didn't hear me. "Izan, wake up." He thrashed more, and I had to pin his hands to his sides. He was strong even in his sleep, but I was determined to help. "Izan, wake up now!" I yelled very loudly, and his eyes snapped open. 

Without warning, he pinned me to the bed underneath him. "Izan, it's me. Vera. Your bestest friend," I tried to sound happy but was fighting tears.

Was he...

After a moment of silence, his breathing evened out and calmed down. I was still underneath him, getting crushed by his weight. He was heavy. "What are you doing in my room?" he asked harshly, but I wasn't offended. 

He had some explaining to do, and I wasn't leaving until I got my answers. I might be nosy, but I wanted to help. But I couldn't really push him for answers if he didn't want to share, right?

"You had a nightmare. I woke you up."

The moment I said that, he flinched, shocking me in the process. The grumpy badbutt mafia boss who killed people with cold blood flinched. This was more serious than I thought. 

"Did I... talk in my sleep?" he asked, avoiding eye contact, so I grabbed his cheeks and made him look at me.

I nodded and said, "Yes, that's why I woke you up." He sighed, getting off me and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Izan, where you..." I couldn't finish my question. It would make it real.

However, his silence was an answer in itself.

Oh no.

I need to get my guns.

Which guns?

You can always buy new ones, Verena.

Or you can steal one from Izan's armory.

"Don't tell anyone, and forget what you just heard," he finally said, but he sounded broken and defeated. It wasn't the Izan I got used to seeing. 

I closed the distance between us, and he looked at me. He was expressionless, yet I knew he was on the verge of tears, and I needed him to know that it was okay to let those waterfalls run their course.

Men can cry.

Men should cry.

"I won't tell, but I can't forget. I can't delete memories, though I wish it were possible," I whispered, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Who else knows?"

"Papa."

"Camila and Vivian?" I asked.

"No, and I would like to keep it that way." After he said that, he did something unexpected.

He hugged me.

Izan hugged Verena.

I heard you the first time, Verena.

Shut up, just let me enjoy this moment.

"Izan," I whispered to grab his attention, and he just hummed, not lifting his head from the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Can you tell me what happened?" I asked, but he didn't reply. "You don't have to, but it's only fair to know. I am not guilt-tripping you, though I might sound like I am. Am I? I don't know, but I really want to know, yet at the same time, it is not my place to push for mor-"

"Oh, just shut up."

"I shut up."

He took a deep breath and said, "I will tell you. Just give me a few minutes." He was probably counting in his head to calm his raging thoughts. 

I wanted to dance in happiness that he was willing to share his story, but I couldn't move a muscle as his hold on me tightened like I was escaping somewhere. 

He was vulnerable.


~~~ 

15.01.2024 

I'm assuming you know where this is going now... 

I will update two more chapters this Friday. Stay tuned!

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