Love or Lie? (MKULIA FANFIC)

Episode 2: Part 1

TW:  eating disorder, insecurities, throwing up (I put a * where it begins)

Julia's POV

I woke up to the sound of Chris on the intercom. I banged my head as I got up, wincing and rubbing the spit with my palm. To my surprise, MK from the bunk below asked if I was OK.
"You good?"

"Yeah! Don't worry about it." I said, smiling sweetly before dropping it in shock.
I smiled??

I swung my legs over the ladder and pushed myself onto the floor in a haze, rubbing my eyes and stumbling towards the dresser full of collective clothes. I grabbed my regular denim shorts and tank top, yawning and stretching my legs on my tip-toes as I held my clothes before me.

I moved back to my bed, MK and I locking eyes. Why was she staring at me?

Then I looked down to my silk PJS, bunny slippers and skincare headband. I was a mess.
My hair looked matted, my lip oil was smeared and sticky on the side of my mouth, and somehow my bra had done a 180 spin underneath my silk shirt.
I ground loudly, waking almost everyone who wasn't awake up as MK snickered.

"Shut up buttknuckle!" I snapped, spinning around and leaning up on my toes onto my bunk.
I grabbed my blanket and my makeup, wrapping myself due to the cold and trudging my feet towards the slightly ajar door.

Once I made it to the bathrooms, I realised it was empty and changed on the spot. I set my makeup bag on the counter, grabbing out a portable hair straightener, a brush and some rare beauty cosmetics from a PR box.

My hair has always been my pride and joy. But it's probably the only thing I don't want to improve about myself. I stared into the mirror in the empty communal bathroom, zoning out.

My eyes were so spaced out from eachother.
My cheeks took up half my face.
My lips were paper thin.
Not even MK would compliment me.
I can't keep wearing this tank top if I eat at the same rate I am right now.
Looking at myself sometimes makes me sick to my stomach because of it.

*SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ THE ED SCENE, PLOT DOSENT CHANGE*

I dropped my hair lip oil, staring at myself in the mirror with a lump in my throat.

Why did I feel like crying??

Why did I feel frail and weak?? Like I needed to eat but I physically couldn't?
Oh.

I swiftly spun, hot tears forming in my eyes as I pushed through an empty cubicle and threw up in the toilet.

It burned my throat, like it was pure acid and I was emptying my insides.

It was so bittersweet though, as if I could focus on the pain of throwing up stomach acid and not the pain of being insecure.

Weird type of paradise..

Once I was done, I flushed it and quickly washed my hands, whimpering and trying not to make noise due to my crying.
I looked up in the mirror, spotting the blotches in my makeup and swallowing the lump in my throat.

I didn't even realise I didn't eat yesterday.
I guess I was so caught up due to it being the first day.

*Get over yourself julia. Youre just like your mom, overdramatic. You were in rehab at like twelve, this isnt your biggest issue.*

I wiped the blotches with my index finger, reapplying concealer and smiling wide at the mirror. More tears formed and I had to take a sharp breath in in hopes they'd dissolve.

I felt even more frail and weak
*Just have to make it through the next challenge,*
I said to myself.

*then you can sleep through the afternoon and feel all numb and dreamy until tomorrow. I'll eat then. It isnt that long any-*