Once Burned

97

Jada

9:09 PM

I'm waiting for the car

Papa's going home to calm her down

You don't need to come.

I want to be alone.

D

Please.

At least give me Koa's number

I'm sure he's freaking out

And Pascal says he's waiting outside our gate

And he drove to the rink and back thrice

read

Dior

read

I'm your sister. Talk to me

I can't stay in this hotel room forever.

I have to find somewhere else to stay.

Let me call Koa

No.

I don't want to ask him for help.

DIOR.

Utang na loob ko pa.

Dior

I know na

Christ

I was stupid enough to think

To believe he loves me

And now I'm not so sure

Dior, he does

Alam mo yan. You're just running away from it because you've been hurt by the person who should've shown you the love he's giving you

Pero hindi kasalanan ni Koa, Dior. He's been nothing but gentle and true with you

Hindi ko na kailangan niyan. Lahat yan may kapalit

Dior

What you're feeling now

You have never been like this. Ever.

But now you're angry and full of resentment

And all of that was just bottled up inside you

Even during the Fight, you weren't angry

You were just tired

And now

And now my mother blew up on me when I told her I was going to take Coach's offer about being an assist coach

It finally sank on her na I'm not going back to training

Said I'm ungrateful

That she gave up her career for us

For me

And this is how I repay her

I know her sacrifice. I've been giving back for her sacrifice

Pero bakit

Hindi enough yung 15 years, J?

Dior

As if

As if utang na loob ko pa na she gave up her skating

But it was her choice

It was her choice to have us, she made her bed and now she's fucking lying in it and I get blamed?!

Bakit ako yung sinisisi mo?

Bakit ako yung

Jada, sinira niya lahat ng ginagawa ko

Materials ko

She tore all of my crochet pieces apart

Put them in the fire

And she said

Hindi niya ako anak

I've failed her

I've disappointed her

Because I couldn't be her

So I packed up and left

Because I'm not enough

I could never be enough

Kailangan kong magbigay nang magbigay for her to love me

Kapalit n'on ay ako

Nung ayaw ko na, kapalit naman non is her love for me

And now I realize she's never going to love me without my skating

Or forgive me for giving it up

She said I only belong on the ice

And not anywhere else

So yes

I'm full of anger and resentment

And I

Have never felt

So alone

Fuck this brain

Fuck this figure skating

And fuck me for being hurt when she's hurt me so many times before

I'm otw up.

Open the door and let me in.