A Handful of Dust ~ TVD

One

Steam caressed my face as I stared down into the dark brown liquid. My fingers wrapped around the mug of hot chocolate in a death grip, seeking warmth despite the summer heat still carrying strong towards the end of its season. My dark and slightly unruly hair fell over my shoulders as I slumped lower in the seat, a sigh escaping my lips.

The cafe was nearly empty, considering it was almost closing time. Despite how few there were, the stragglers were louder than I'd prefer. A high-pitched laugh assaulted my ears from three tables behind, making me cringe. Giggles accompanied it. I turned slowly in my seat to face them, not so much out of curiosity than the want to tell them to shut up. Fortunately, I had the sense in time to recognize my irritation was completely unwarranted and quickly shut my mouth. After all, I hadn't exactly left the house in search of peace and quiet.

Marissa, a waitress at the cafe, stood in front of a table full of her friends from school. I knew all the girls since we're in the same year, but I hadn't spoken to any of them all summer. They're the few people in Mystic Falls who didn't frequent The Mystic Grill, instead preferring the small atmosphere of The Grotto. Which was the exact reason I decided to spend the rest of my day here. I wasn't really in the mood to go to the rowdy Grill, hence the reason I sat here alone.

Their voices grew louder. I caught a few snippets of the conversation, something about couples and who had hooked up—Tiki and Kameron—and who broke up—Levi and Alexa—over the summer. I wasn't particularly interested, having never cared for that topic of gossip. A part of me considered trying to join the conversation regardless. The whole reason I left the house was to try getting back into the swing of things. Unsuccessfully that is, since I was all by my lonesome in a place I rarely thought to frequent.

I left the house around noon and spent the entire day wandering around town, exploring different places, hoping to feel something, to find inspiration, maybe even socialize. It sounded like a great plan initially, especially since I hadn't really been around anyone but family all summer. A part of me considered that might be the issue—the reason I couldn't get out of my rut. Maybe I just needed to distance myself from everything overly familiar and take a break?

Staring out the paneled window, I absentmindedly brushed my finger along the rim of the mug, wishing—not for the first time—to desperately leave the town of Mystic Falls.

Since the car accident in the spring, I've had this constant feeling of not truly belonging here. My house barely felt like a home now, having lost that warmth with the passing of my mom and dad. Aunt Jenna tried her best to step into a parental role for me and my siblings, but it just wasn't the same. I certainly didn't want to her to be my parent; I wanted her to remain my fun-loving, opinionated aunt. I couldn't even imagine how tough it must be for her, trying to keep an eye on a bunch of teenagers, managing college classes and work, all while still grappling with the loss of her older sister.

My brother Jeremy became the most withdrawn out of us. The first time I caught him using drugs, I wasn't exactly surprised. Weed wasn't a big enough deal for me to freak out over, though my sister didn't share the same opinion. Whenever Elena tried talking to him about it, he'd just push her away and begin acting even worse. So, Jenna and Elena decided to give him a "summer pass" before cracking down on his habits. Predictably, as summer now drew to a close, there was no improvement in his behavior. I just let it be, understanding it was the only way he knew how to cope. Maybe it wasn't the most sisterly thing to do, but at least he was still on speaking terms with me, unlike Elena. I know he'll get past it on his own time, even if it does take a while.