Let me Fly | haikyuu ff

10• nightmares and secrets pt.1

Iwaizumi after reaching home had opted to put Shoyo in his own room rather than the one his cousin uses while he's here. He thought Shoyo would prefer to not be alone today. But he also didn't join Sho on the bed but rather stayed seated on his study table and studied up a bit ahead before the new term started to wait and see if Shoyo decided to wake up. He didn't count on falling asleep on his study table though. Ah way to go. He would be sore in the morning.

But he knows whenever Shoyo wakes up it won't be a pretty sight. Atleast he had the sense to not fall asleep with Shoyo that would have gone terribly.

Iwaizumi woke up from his sleep in the middle of the night to whimpering sounds emanating in the room. He drowsily opened his eyes but quickly became alert when he realised it was coming from Sho. He quickly reached over to the bed and found Sho tossing and turning in the bed, sweat running down his head while muttering some words in his distressed sleep.

Ah... shit maybe he's recalling the assault. I have to wake him up.

Just as Iwaizumi was about to shake him awake, he froze by what he heard Shoyo frantically whimpering. His face drained of colour unable to believe what he heard...He knew Sho's father was a bastard, he has seen the scars Sho still has on his back and remembers the fresh horrific look of those raw scars when Sho showed them to him. Afterwards he would curl up with him and sometimes Suna in his bed and cry while restating tidbits of the abuse happening to him and his family. But...this..to do that to their own blood...their son... Disgusting Bastard. It was far worse than he and Suna could ever have imagined. They knew Shoyo didn't completely tell them about all the abuse inflicted on him, he downplayed his hurt but at that time they let it go not wanting to pressure him as he was now in a safe place away from that monster. But... this....

He shook his thoughts and focused on Sho who was getting more distressed in his sleep repeating those words again and again.

"Stop...stop...mmpff please no dad stop it get off me!"

"not Natsu , ill be good ill be good i promise....AAH!! STOP!" Shoyo yelled in his sleep.

Iwaizumi was heartbroken. He couldn't bear Sho's distress anymore, what made it worse was if his hunches were right if he ever saw that disgusting bastard in his life again he will kill him.

Iwaizumi leaned over to look at Shoyo and moved his hair from his forehead wiping the sweat with his hand. He lightly shook Shoyo at first in order not to startle him and called out softly, "Sho wake up, you're dreaming. It's not real."

Shoyo didn't wake up but his distress seemed to lessen a bit after Iwaizumi repeated the words near his ear a couple of times. This time he shook Sho a bit more forcefully and that finally seemed to break Shoyo out of whatever nightmare he was trapped in.
Shoyo woke up in a daze but taking in his cousin before him muttered his name in a whisper, "Zumi-ni?" He became alert and more awake with each passing second. Seeming to realise the situation he was in, he froze recalling his nightmare and the events of the day.

He had a nightmare about the day which  he hated the most in his life.The day he yielded to that monster, the day he admitted defeat, he hated himself for it. He was disgusted with himself for it but he could never regret his decision as if it was not him, it would have been his precious baby sister Natsu. He would rather bring all the pain his father liked to inflict upon himself than allow his sister to go through the things he did in that house under the influence of that monster.

But he wasn't over the things he had to suffer. He locked himself away from his family for months after he got away from the abuse. He refused to sleep near anyone as it would give him away. But what happened today was something that caught him off guard. He thought something like this won't ever happen again and that with time, he could ignore those nightmares or should he say memories forever without anyone ever knowing. It was all going well too. He did manage to bury those unpleasant memories of his always ignoring them but what was he supposed to do now when he was forced to face them again anew.

But he didn't account the emotional exhaustion he will feel after today's incident leading him to fall asleep on Zumi-ni nor did he predict that Zumi-ni would be so concerned that he put him to sleep in his room rather than his own.
He surely had a nightmare right now but how much of it did he utter out loud?

How much of it did Zumi -ni hear that he looks so heartbroken right now? Why is he not disgusted by Shoyo?

Oh fuck it. He is tired. He is tired of carrying all these secrets, all this trauma he faced alone. He just doesn't want to be alone anymore in dealing with it. Those three months of his past avoiding all sorts of communication and affection from people was too much when he had still felt like his whole being would taint his cousins.

How could he ever think his cousins will abandon him if they knew? Iwaizumi didn't abandon him after what happened to him today and he is looking at him with those concerned, soft eyes of his that he reserves only for family. He just wanted for once to let it all go and allow himself to be broken to pieces and remade again from scratch with the help of someone rather than staying taped up about to shatter any moment with the slightest of attack on him.

Shoyo felt resigned and he mustered up his courage bit by bit to look up at Zumi-ni in the eye afraid of what he would see. Disgust or concern? Love or hatred?

He finally looked up at Zumi ni and resolved himself to face the long due conversation, the secrets he has been hiding for years by burying or avoiding them starting with asking, "How much did you hear Zumi-ni?"

(a/n: sorry for late updates guys im trying at least im confident i won't drop this story that easily so do support me. And Shoyo has too much trauma to go through that's why it keeps extending but you gotta know the past of someone before diving to other stuff.I promise canon events are not far away. But the secret is important for you to know why Shoyo is the way he is, he has a lot of hidden issues, he needs therapy tbh. poor baby :( anyways enjoy reading.)