THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 15: Loop Nine, III

As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, casting brilliant orange hues across the sky, you slipped away from the Paradis harbor in your small, weather-beaten sailboat. The gentle lapping of the waves against the hull rocked your body, urging your journey onward. You had chosen a boring boat to steal because that was the least likely thing they were going to notice.

Sailing was not your strong suit. You had grown up and always lived in a land-locked civilization, trapped behind the walls like cattle, and venturing into the unknown object that was a body of daunting waves terrified you beyond thought. But you had to go to Marley early; you had to infiltrate their military. You had to find leverage over Eren and delay the Rumbling. You had a plan and it meant you had to leave.

If you wanted to save Eren, you knew you had to swallow your fear and sacrifice.

After your argument, Eren did not talk to you for a full week. But he couldn't last that long and eventually had to nod at you tersely or ask you what the next schedule for the squadron was. Little talks. But the infinitesimal shift had altered the cosmos that was you and him, and your relationship was strained uncomfortably, like a thread hanging loose.

A full month passed where you danced around each other delicately, never speaking despite the air shimmering between you—the air of someone who knew what it meant to memorize the other's body at night.

The memories replayed in your head violently, like knives to your bone.

"You're not even going to try to fight for me?"

Would he ever know?

That you did it all—rejecting him, ignoring him, pushing him away—because there was no one you loved quite like him? That you dedicated your soul to fighting for Eren?

"If you loved me, you'd just tell me!"

You cursed Eren's name to the sky. Your love for him destroyed you both, every time.

With each creak of the rigging and each gust of wind filling the sails, you felt the weight of the world slowly pushing on your shoulders. The boat glided smoothly through the water, carrying you away from Paradis. The moon emerged, casting its glow upon the vast expanse of the sea. Stars adorned the sky like celestial jewels, guiding your journey to the other side.

The secrets you held close, the reasons for your clandestine departure, fueled the sails of your determination. The anticipation of the unknown thumped in your heart, blending with the rhythm of the waves beneath you. Though uncertainty lay ahead, the sense of steadiness enveloped you. Every stroke of the oar, every adjustment of the sail, propelled you further into the depths of the salty night, to that country across the sea, whom you have entered for the first time many times before.

How had Eren described the journey?

"Dark. Cold. You can't see anything except the ship's hull against the unforgivable ocean and hope you're doing this right... that you won't drown."

As the coastline faded into the distance, you knew that this escape was the first step toward the loop, a story yet to unfold across the vast canvas of the open sea. With each passing moment, your mind drifted. Tonight was a good night. The sea was calm.

You thought of Eren.

Nothing had changed in your relationship.

You were still just friends. Maybe even less now.

You wondered if he hated you, but you knew him well. He never could. It shattered you into a thousand irreparable pieces to know that he would always have space in his heart for you even though you had tried so hard to carve out of it.