This Is Me Trying

Chapter Thirteen

The pictures and videos of her family at Disney are coming through her phone at full speed. If Emma's not sending something, then it's Henry or Mary Margret and as much as Regina adores every single picture, that's all that is. The reality is that she's missing out on a family trip and acknowledging that makes her want to claw off her own skin or run very far and very fast away from Atlanta, Georgia.

She has already spent so much time of her life missing out on precious moments because she put her career first and she doesn't want to go down that road again. She admits that she has changed, over the last ten years she has ensured that she is always present for her children and her wife as well. But seeing all these pictures unburies those tainted memories filled with guilt all over again.

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She's furious at Emma for engaging with her mother and arguing back. That's not going to solve a damn thing and will only make matters worse in the end. In spite of that, she is attempting to write a new song because her mother so kindly dropped the bomb that she signed for a new album to be released in March.

Of course, that allows her plenty of time considering it's only summer but between the tour she is still currently in the middle of and trying to balance a relationship after, she's more than nervous about finishing the album on time. Her mind is empty because she just completed an album and she needs time to find motivation again.

If only she could use all those songs that Cora rejected, she would have an entire album worth.

That will never happen though, so she needs to focus so she can finish another meaningless album and maybe she will actually see Henry on his birthday this year. And if she finishes recording the album by November, this year she can spend the holidays with Emma and her family. She doesn't even know what a real Christmas with love and merriment would even look like but she's excited by the prospect of finding out.

"And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for," she softly sings, her eyes closed as she dreams up a perfect Christmas morning with the woman who has saved her. "Queen of my heart, body and soul..." her voice instantly fades away because Cora will have her head for that slip up.

She scoffs at herself, so damn frustrated that she didn't catch that mistake. She should know by now to switch everything feminine to masculine. With all the pent-up rage from this infuriating day, she harshly erases the word from her notebook and replaces Queen with King.

"You're all I want, I'll never let you go. King of my heart, body and soul," she sings again but then warm arms wrap around her shoulders, startling her because she thought her girlfriend was dead asleep.

"Gina..."

"Don't," she firmly shuts her down because she knows this woman is going to tell her she needs sleep and to stop trying so hard.

"Come to bed," Emma breathlessly purrs just before her lips press a lingering kiss against her throbbing pulse.

And it shouldn't but the kiss irks her soul and it has nothing to do with Emma, she's her Savior. The fact of the matter is Regina feels like a trained monkey, locked inside her cage (her bus), forced to write her songs and until she's freed from the bus where she is expected to sing, dance, and perform. She's feeling claustrophobic, trapped, and there's simply not enough oxygen for her to breathe any longer.

Sure, she puts up a small fight against her girlfriend, the need to finish this album possessing every cell in her body. Eventually, she caves and allows Emma to drag her down onto the bed for sleep. She is tired, so ultimately she does fall asleep for twenty minutes before her body starts buzzing with that obsessive need to write.