Avatar the Last Airbender: Jedi Outcast - Book 1 - Prodigal Butcher

Chapter 4 - Forgotten Memories

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Chapter 4 - Edited

Benjamin had become accustomed to life on the colony, its dusty air filled with ash that clung to his throat, creating a suffocating sensation. Clean air felt foreign to him now, a distant memory he could barely recall. Standing on the mountain top, he observed the avatar and his companions from a distance, their camp set up for the night. They remained unaware of his watchful gaze, lost in their own world.

The wind whipped through Benjamin's long, dark hair, tousling it as he gazed up at the starry sky. His golden eyes shifted down to his trembling hands, a familiar feeling coursing through his veins. The tremors, erratic and uncontrollable, reminded him of the first battle on Dxun's moon, the mud, the sounds of war, and the lingering presence of death in the Force.

It was an unsettling emptiness, a cold void within him. Benjamin tried to push the memories aside, striving for the peace he once knew. But when did things start to unravel? When did the threads of his life begin to fray? Was it when his mother handed him over to the Jedi? Or when the Jedi masters abandoned him, deeming him unfit for their teachings?

Perhaps it was the realization of his tumultuous relationship with the Force, his failures with the light side, or the path he followed alongside his master into war, culminating in the horrors of Malachor V. No, Benjamin understood that his life had been plagued with tragedy from the very beginning. It seemed the universe had a cruel sense of humor, subjecting him to one hardship after another.

Yet, a newfound sorrow weighed heavily on him. The old man's final words echoed in his mind, haunting him with their significance. The fire nation had snuffed out the old man's life, but his parting wisdom lingered within Benjamin's soul.

"No," Benjamin spoke aloud, his voice carrying into the descending twilight. His gaze followed the setting sun, as darkness slowly engulfed the sky. "You wouldn't understand...how could you?"

To Benjamin, his life had been an ongoing escape, a perpetual running away. He had found solace in that wretched colony, even in the midst of its meaninglessness.

Benjamin craved the predictable routine of his days, tired of life's relentless surprises and its power to dictate his path. All he yearned for was peace and tranquility, elusive comforts that had been stripped away from him by the Mandalorians, the Jedi, and now the fire nation.

"They took it all from me...my home, my purpose...Bill. Those goddamn bastards!" His fury surged within, a tempest of emotions raging through his shattered mind. Anger and guilt intertwined, coursing through the depths of the Force as his fists clenched with unwavering determination. His narrowed eyes gleamed with a familiar, seething hatred.

He longed to unleash his wrath upon them, to make the fire nation suffer just as they had made him suffer. He wanted retribution, a payment for the pain inflicted upon Bill and himself. The pain dulled, overridden by overwhelming feelings that shook him to his core—a memory from mere hours ago.

"Be good, Benjamin."

The surging hatred and rage that once consumed him began to wane, replaced by guilt and shame. Guilt for his own actions, shame for the person he had allowed himself to become. There were no excuses to be made, only the harsh reality of his cowardice, a deserter and a failure. He was no warrior, but a weakling who couldn't confront himself.

A feeble soul cloaked in anger and hatred, attempting to shield himself from the truth. But what happens when such a shield fails? There was nothing left for him, for he had become nothing.